[Essay] INDEPENDENT ESSAY FOR TOEFL

[gabesmel]

Hi this is my first essay public in this web site, can you correct it? thanks
STATEMENT
People attend college or university for many different reasons ( for example,
new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think
people attend college or university ? use specific reasons and examples to
support your answer?
ESSAY
I think that the people go to the college or university to
performance her/his careers, some reasons of them are:
to understand and amplify the knowledge in a determined area,
to explore a different life experience, to organize the
ideas and preference in a determined topic, to meet with people
interested in the same subject, to investigated an specific area,
to have better income in the future. For me these are the people
who are interested in studying a career in a formal high level education.

When the people are in the high school have some inclined for a specific
issues, but don't have the enough knowledge about the topic, so he/she
decide to understand and tried to find the career that she/he really like.
We need to have a process and learn a lot of subjects that helps us to
establish our preferences. The university is a new way to perceive the
world, in this place we can have the tools to confront a problem, we have to
teachers, equipments, classmates that can help us to understand the problem
that we need to solve.

Research is important to make a developed country is another impulse
that the students have to do better things and contribute in the
progress of the country. In the university we can find people that are
interested in the same issues and we can make associations to solve
some problematic in the society. The last aspect is the income if you have the
knowledge over something you can find a job or make a specific company and raise
the revenues.

Finally the people which attend to the university contributed to the
society and helps with his/her country developed. Her/his life
styles get better, so the individual condition changes and shows us
new, renewable and creative ideas, laws, process, created jobs and more conditions that
help with the progress of the community.

 

[februar]

Hi this is my first essay public in this web site, can you correct it? Thanks

STATEMENT
People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example
new experiences, career preparation, and increased knowledge). Why do you think
people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to
support your answer?


ESSAY
I think that the people go to the college or university to performance her/his their careers. Some reasons of them are:

- to understand and amplify the deepen the knowledge in a determined area
- to explore a different life experience - to organize the ideas and preferences in a determined topic to meet with people interested in the same subject - to [STRIKE]investigated[/STRIKE] investigate a specific area,
- to have better income in the future.
For me these are those people who are interested in studying [STRIKE]a[/STRIKE] career oriented skills [STRIKE]in[/STRIKE] through a formal high level education.

When the these people [STRIKE]are[/STRIKE] in the high school [STRIKE]have some inclined for[/STRIKE] show a tendency toward a specific [STRIKE]issues[/STRIKE] issue, but [STRIKE]don't[/STRIKE] only have [STRIKE]the enough[/STRIKE] limited knowledge about the topic, so he/she they [STRIKE]decide[/STRIKE] have taken the chance to understand and [STRIKE]tried[/STRIKE] try to find the career that she/he they really like.

We need to have a process and learn a lot of subjects that [STRIKE]helps[/STRIKE] help us to establish our preferences. The university is a new way to perceive the world. In this place we can have the tools to confront a problem [STRIKE]we have to[/STRIKE] such as teachers, classmates and appropriate equipment [STRIKE]classmates[/STRIKE] that can help us to understand the problem that we need to solve.

Research is important to make a developed country and this is another impulse for people to attend a college or university. It motivates students [STRIKE]have[/STRIKE] to do better useful things and contribute [STRIKE]in[/STRIKE] to the progress of the country. In the university we can find people that are interested in the same issues and we can make associations to solve some problematic in the society. The last aspect is the income -- if you have the knowledge over something you can find a job or even make establish a specific company and raise the revenues.

Finally it can be said that the people [STRIKE]which[/STRIKE] who attend [STRIKE]to[/STRIKE] the university [STRIKE]contributed[/STRIKE] contribute to the society and [STRIKE]helps[/STRIKE] help with his/her their country’s [STRIKE]developed[/STRIKE] development. Her/his Their [STRIKE]lifestyles[/STRIKE] lifestyle get better, so the individual condition changes and shows us new, renewable and creative ideas, laws, processes, created jobs and more conditions that help with the progress of the community.

 

[gabesmel]

thank you very much.