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  1. #1
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    suggest corrections - a story

    I know I'm asking for too much, but I still hope there would be any volunteers to read this story through and suggest me some corrections (I've translated it from Slovenian). Thank you so much.
    In some cases I've given more possibilities. In the original (Slovenian version) there's the inconsistency in the use of the present/past tense as well. Perhaps I'd better stick to one tense, what do you think?

    (About) the three sons

    Once upon a time there was a father who …/ There was (once) a father who... had three sons and owned a beautiful(? / big) farm and rich woods. One day, he took the eldest son to the woods, showed him the beautiful fir trees and asked him:
    “What would you do with these fir trees if they were yours?”
    “I’d cut them all down, sell them and leave comfortably,” replies the eldest son.
    The father says to himself:
    “You wouldn’t make a good farmer; I’ll try the middle son tomorrow.” And they went home.
    The next day the father returns to the woods with his middle son. When they reach the beautiful fir trees, the father shows them to his son and asks him:
    “What would you do with these fir trees if they were yours?”
    “I’d build beautiful houses like the ones people have in towns,” replies the middle son.
    And the father says to himself:
    “You wouldn’t make a good farmer either; I’ll try the youngest son as well.” And they went home.
    On the third day the father says to his youngest son:
    “Today you’re going/ it's your turn to go to the woods with me.”
    The youngest son joins his father, and when they reach the most beautiful fir trees, his father asks:
    “What would you do with these fir trees if they were yours?”
    “I’d let them grow because they’re beautiful,” says the youngest son.
    “You’re right, and I’ll leave this farm to you. You’ll make a good farmer,” the father says.
    And the father took his youngest son home, left him the farm and wed him.

    Slovenian folk tale

  2. #2
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    Re: suggest corrections - a story

    Oops..There's a typo in the sentence: “I’d cut them all down, sell them and leave comfortably,” replies the eldest son.

    'leave' should be replaced with 'live'

  3. #3
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    Re: suggest corrections - a story

    Plus I think 'test' should be used instead of 'try' in the sentence “You wouldn’t make a good farmer; I’ll try the middle son tomorrow.” And they went home.

  4. #4
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Re: suggest corrections - a story

    It's basically fine, but the last sentence doesn't make sense to me- how can the father wed his own son?

  5. #5
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    Re: suggest corrections - a story

    Thank you.

    Oh, now I see the problem with the verb 'to wed' in that sentence..I had a different meaning in mind = that the father arranged the marriage for his son / chose a suitable future wife for his son...as it often happened in the past.
    I know shouldn't have translated that expression directly from Slovenian...but I've checked the meaning of the verb 'to wed' in the New Oxford Dictionary of English and it also says: 'give or join in marriage' Example given: Will you wed your daughter to him?
    But now I can see there's the prepositional phrase 'to him' in the sentence, and in my story I didn't use it, so this could be the reason for ambiguity.

    Can anyone reccommend a better version of the last sentence in my folk tale?

    Thanks.

  6. #6
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Re: suggest corrections - a story

    You could use 'marry off'.

  7. #7
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    Re: suggest corrections - a story

    Thank you so much - this verb is exactly what I was looking for.

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