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Thread: Narrative essay

  1. #1
    Semmel Ferenc is offline Newbie
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    Question Narrative essay

    Hello,i have to write a narrative essay about a TRIP,it musn't be long,about 120-200words.Thanks for your help


    Greetings Semmel,

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    SoothingDave is offline VIP Member
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    Default Re: Narrative essay

    We don't do your homework for you. Do it and we will be happy to critique it.

  3. #3
    Semmel Ferenc is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: Narrative essay

    have you ever imagined meeting with a poisonous snake during a camping ? For 10 years ago we have been celebrating our anniversary at a Rhode Island Camping with my family.In this year we want out ,and averything was as good as we have planned.
    When my wife started to prepare the breakfast for our children I saw that something has moved under the table,but I thought that was just our dog,Barnyey,because he is part of our family too. Later when whe had eaten I I saw the snake mooving to my child Thomas.I bellowed him to start running,because a cobra wants to attack,but it was too late,the snake attacked (not the good word) him.
    My wife became shocked,we started going to the Hospital,and we both knew that the chance to survive is very low.The doctor in the hospital said us that they will try to do everything,but he can’t promise that our child will survive.
    Two hours later the nurse said,that that our child survived the snake attack.I will never forget this day,and I am grateful for God because helped us

  4. #4
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    mr_useless is offline Junior Member
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    Default Re: Narrative essay

    (not teacher)
    Allow me rewrite this, teachers will correct your written later.

    Have you ever suffered/frighten from being attacked by a poison snake? Ten years ago, we celebrated our anniversary at Rhode Island Camping with our family. Everything were as good as we plainned. When my wife was preparing breafast for our childrent, I saw something was moving under the table. I thought it was our dog, Barnyey, because he came with us too. Late on, when we were eating, I saw a snake moving to my child, Thomas. I yell out for him to run (teachers will reword this), but it was too late, the cobre having bitten him. My wife was shocked. We took him to a hospital. We thought that the chance to survive is very low. The doctor in the hospital told us that they would try to do everything, but they couldn't promise that our child would survive. Two hours later, a nurse said that our child survived from snake attack. I will never forget that day and I am grateful for God bless us.

    Please correct mine too, thank you.

  5. #5
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    Tullia is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: Narrative essay

    Hi mr_useless. As I believe Semmel Ferenc posted his story in another thread and had it corrected there, I will correct yours for you.

    Quote Originally Posted by mr_useless View Post
    Have you ever suffered frighten from being attacked by a poison snake? Ten years ago, we celebrated our anniversary at Rhode Island, camping with our family. Everything was as good as we plainned. While my wife was preparing breafast for our childrent, I saw something was moving under the table. I thought it was our dog, Barnyey, because he had come with us too. Later on, when we were eating, I saw a snake moving towards my child, Thomas. I yelled out for him to run but it was too late; the cobra had bitten him. My wife was shocked. We took him to a hospital. We thought that his chance of survival was very low. The doctor in the hospital told us that they would try to do everything, but they couldn't promise that our child would survive. Two hours later, a nurse said that our child had survived the snake attack. I will never forget that day and I am grateful to God for blessing us.
    If you have any questions about the corrections I have made, just ask!

  6. #6
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    mr_useless is offline Junior Member
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    Default Re: Narrative essay

    Thank you. I am confused the use of the past tense and the past perfect tense. I will study them again.

    But, why can't we use "While" here: "While my wife was preparing breafast for our childrent, I saw something was moving under the table.". Is "while" not used for the past continue tense?
    Last edited by mr_useless; 09-Mar-2012 at 13:52.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Narrative essay

    Oh oops, you can! I didn't mean to cross it out, I'm sorry. I got carried away with my BB code, I crossed out when and accidentally crossed out "while" as well.

  8. #8
    mr_useless's Avatar
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    Default Re: Narrative essay

    Thank you for save me from headache. (I am kidding)
    Thank you.

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