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  1. #1
    afterouvegone is offline Newbie
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    Post Please, help me. Is it correct?

    Hello everyone,
    I would like to apologize for my bad English. I would ask someone who was so kind and who could check my essay. I have to compare three laptops. I'm not sure with some phrases. I would be very grateful to you.
    Thank you very much. Have a nice day.
    Here is the text:


    I chose for this comparison very different laptops. The first laptop is Lenovo IdeaPad S100, the second is Sony VAIO CA3S1E/W and the third is HP EliteBook 8760w. Lenovo is the smallest and the lightest of them. It is built with a 10.1-inch LED-backlit display with 1024 x 600 pixels screen resolution. This notebook is ideal for travelling. Sony notebook is larger and it has also higher resolution than Lenovo. The width of the screen is 14 inches. HP notebook has the widest screen. The width of the screen is 17.3 inches and the highest resolution is 1920 x 1080 pixels.
    When I compared the prices, I found much differences. The cheapest is Lenovo laptop. It costs around five thousand. This price is rather reasonable for students or for unpretentious users. Sony VAIO is more expensive than the previous and it costs around 16 thousand. The most expensive is laptop HP EliteBook. It costs over 70 thousand.
    HP EliteBook is the most powerfull. There is quad core processor Intel Core i7 2670QM with frequency 2,2 GHz, 6MB cache memory and eight threads. The system memory has the capacity 8GB and in this laptop is build-in high-powered graphic card NVIDIA Quadro 4000M with self memory with capacity two GB. This notebook can be used as mobile workstation and it is ideal for demanding graphical applications. In this laptop is also built-in high-capacity hard disk with capacity 750 GB and it is equipped with operating system Microsoft Windows 7 Professional 64-bit.
    The notebook Sony VAIO is equipped two-core processor Intel Core i3 2330M with frequency 2,2GHz and 3MB cache memory. Clearly performance of these processors are significantly different. If I have added to compare the third notebook, I will find much greater differences. Lenovo laptop contains standard two-core processor Intel Atom N570 with much lower frequency 1,66GHz and 1MB L2 cache. This performance of Atom processor is enough for common applications. The system memory of these laptops is also different. The capacity of Lenovo's memory is only 1GB and compared to Sony VAIO it is much lower. Sony VAIO contains higher capacity of system memory – 4GB. Lenovo laptop has not so much large capacity as Sony VAIO. There is included 320GB hard disk which is less than hard drive, which includes Sony Vaio.
    If I could choose one of them, I would choose Sony VAIO. It is my clear Choice. Why? I like it. One of things is good performance, nice design, which is not so important, but ... I prefer smaller size of notebook, because it is ideal for carrying and I think that 14-inch screen is rather good compromise between 15.4-inch display and 10.1-inch display. The laptop has build-in also webcam, SD card reader, as well powerful graphic card etc. I think the price is corresponding to the performance.
    Last edited by afterouvegone; 10-Mar-2012 at 22:49.

  2. #2
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: Please, help me. Is it correct?

    1) The verb is "to think", not "to thing"
    2) Read back through your piece and look carefully at your use (or your non-use) of articles. There are at least three articles missing just in the first paragraph.

  3. #3
    afterouvegone is offline Newbie
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    Post Re: Please, help me. Is it correct?

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    1) The verb is "to think", not "to thing"
    2) Read back through your piece and look carefully at your use (or your non-use) of articles. There are at least three articles missing just in the first paragraph.
    I'm sorry, I have no Idea where should I use articles in the first paragraph.

  4. #4
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: Please, help me. Is it correct?

    Quote Originally Posted by afterouvegone View Post
    Hello everyone,
    I would like to apologize for my bad English. I would ask someone who was so kind and who could check my essay. I have to compare three laptops. I'm not sure with some phrases. I would be very grateful to you.
    Thank you very much. Have a nice day.
    Here is the text:


    I chose for this comparison three very different laptops. The first laptop is the Lenovo IdeaPad S100, the second is the Sony VAIO CA3S1E/W and the third is the HP EliteBook 8760w. The Lenovo is the smallest and the lightest of them. It is built with a 10.1-inch LED-backlit display with 1024 x 600 pixels screen resolution. This notebook is ideal for travelling. The Sony notebook is larger and it has also a higher resolution than the Lenovo. The width of the screen is 14 inches. The HP notebook has the widest screen. The width of the screen is 17.3 inches and the highest resolution is 1920 x 1080 pixels.
    See above. As you can see, when I actually went through it properly, I found far more than three missing. Use what I have posted there to look at the rest of your piece.

  5. #5
    afterouvegone is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: Please, help me. Is it correct?

    Thank you very much for your advices. I corrected the text according to your recommendations. I hope it will be better

    I chose for this comparison three very different laptops. The first laptop is the Lenovo IdeaPad S100, the second is the Sony VAIO CA3S1E/W and the third is the HP EliteBook 8760w. Lenovo is the smallest and the lightest of them. It is built with a 10.1-inch LED-backlit display with 1024 x 600 pixels screen resolution. This notebook is ideal for travelling. The Sony notebook is larger and it has also a higher resolution than Lenovo. The width of the screen is 14 inches. The HP notebook has the widest screen. The width of the screen is 17.3 inches and the highest resolution is 1920 x 1080 pixels.


    When I compared the prices, I found much differences. The cheapest is Lenovo laptop. It costs around five thousand crowns. This price is equal reasonable for students or for unpretentious users. The Sony VAIO is more expensive than the previous and it costs around 16 thousand crowns. The most expensive is laptop The HP EliteBook. It costs over 70 thousand crowns.

    The HP EliteBook is the most powerfull. There is quad core processor Intel Core i7 2670QM with frequency 2,2 GHz, 6MB cache memory and eight threads. The system memory has the capacity 8GB and in this laptop is build-in an high-powered graphic card NVIDIA Quadro 4000M with self memory with the capacity two GB. This notebook can be used as mobile workstation and it is ideal for demanding graphical applications. In this laptop is also built-in high-capacity hard disk with capacity 750 GB and it is equipped with operating system Microsoft Windows 7 Professional 64-bit.

    The notebook Sony VAIO is equipped two-core processor Intel Core i3 2330M with frequency 2,2GHz and 3MB cache memory. Clearly performance of these processors are significantly different. If I have added to compare the third notebook, I will find much greater differences. The Lenovo laptop contains standard two-core processor Intel Atom N570 with much lower frequency 1,66GHz and 1MB L2 cache. This performance of Atom processor is enough for common applications. The system memory of these laptops is also different. The capacity of the Lenovo's memory is only 1GB and compared to the Sony VAIO it is much lower. The Sony VAIO contains higher capacity of system memory – 4GB. The Lenovo laptop has not so much large capacity as the Sony VAIO. There is included 320GB hard disk which is less than hard drive, which includes the Sony Vaio.


    If I could choose one of them, I would choose The Sony VAIO. It is my clear Choice. Why? I like it. One of things is good performance, nice design, which is not so important, but ... I prefer smaller notebook's size, because it is ideal for carrying and I think that a 14-inch screen is rather good compromise between a 15.4-inch display and an 10.1-inch display. The laptop has build-in also a webcam, a SD card reader, as well a powerful graphic card etc. I think the price is corresponding to the performance.
    Last edited by afterouvegone; 10-Mar-2012 at 23:18.

  6. #6
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: Please, help me. Is it correct?

    Quote Originally Posted by afterouvegone View Post
    Thank you very much for your advices. I corrected the text according to your recommendations. I hope it will be better

    I chose for this comparison three very different laptops. The first laptop is the Lenovo IdeaPad S100, the second is the Sony VAIO CA3S1E/W and the third is the HP EliteBook 8760w.
    The Lenovo is the smallest and the lightest of them. It has a 10.1-inch LED-backlit display with 1024 x 600 pixels screen resolution. This notebook is ideal for travelling. The Sony notebook is larger and it has also a higher resolution than the Lenovo. The width of the screen is 14 inches. The HP notebook has the widest screen. The width of the screen is 17.3 inches and the highest resolution, at 1920 x 1080 pixels.

    When I compared the prices, I found much many differences. The cheapest is the Lenovo laptop. It costs around five thousand crowns. This price is equally reasonable for students or for unpretentious users. The Sony VAIO is more expensive than the previous Lenovo, and it costs costing around 16 thousand crowns. The most expensive is laptop the HP EliteBook. It costs over 70 thousand crowns.

    The HP EliteBook is the most powerfu
    l. There is It has an
    Intel Core i7 2670QM quad core processor Intel Core i7 2670QM with a frequency of 2.2 GHz, 6MB cache memory and eight threads(no idea what this means). The system memory has the capacity an 8GB capacity and in this laptop is a built-in an high-powered NVIDIA Quadro 4000M graphics card NVIDIA Quadro 4000M with self memory with the capacity two 2GB of memory. This notebook can be used as a mobile workstation and it is ideal for demanding graphical applications. In This laptop is also has a built-in high-capacity 750GB hard disk with capacity 750 GB and it is equipped with the Microsoft Windows 7 Professional 64-bit operating system Microsoft Windows 7 Professional 64-bit.

    The notebook Sony VAIO
    notebook is equipped with an
    Intel Core i3 2330M two-core dual-core processor Intel Core i3 2330M with a frequency 2.2GHz frequency and a 3MB cache memory. Clearly, the performance of these processors are is significantly different. If I have added to compare If I add the third notebook into the comparison, I will find much greater even more differences. The Lenovo laptop contains a standard two-core dual-coreIntel Atom N570 processor Intel Atom N570 with a much lower frequency of 1.66GHz and a 1MB L2 cache. This The performance of the Atom processor is good enough for common applications. The system memory of these laptops is also different. The capacity of the Lenovo's memory is only 1GB, and compared to much lower than the Sony VAIO. it is much lower. The Sony VAIO contains has a higher capacity of system memory – 4GB. The Lenovo laptop has not does not have so much as large a large capacity as the Sony VAIO. There is includedIt has a 320GB hard disk which is less smaller than hard drive, which includes the one in the Sony Vaio.

    If I could choose one of them, I would choose
    the Sony VAIO. It is my clear choice. Why? I like it. One of things the reasons is good performance. It is also nicely designed, which is not so important, but ... I prefer the smaller notebook's size, because it is ideal for carrying and I think that a 14-inch screen is rather a good compromise between a 15.4-inch display and an 10.1-inch display. The laptop also has a built-in also a webcam, an SD card reader, as well and a powerful graphics card. etc. I think the price is corresponding corresponds to the performance.
    See above. Please let me know if you don't understand why I've made any of these amendments.
    Last edited by emsr2d2; 11-Mar-2012 at 00:46. Reason: typo

  7. #7
    afterouvegone is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: Please, help me. Is it correct?

    Wow, I'm surprised. I didn't know my English is so poor. Now, if I see it, all is clear. My the biggest problem is my natural language. There is completely different structure of sentences. I hesitated if I could say "notebook has" so I made sentences with "is" like "is built-in". I thank you very very very much for correcting. You helped me. Once more thanks!

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