Results 1 to 2 of 2
  1. #1
    Krabby Krabs is offline Newbie
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • Singapore
      • Current Location:
      • Malaysia
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Posts
    20
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Too Rude for E-Mail?

    My manager has been telling me that the emails I write to clients and customers is aggressive, somewhat-disrespectful and would invite repercussions.


    I had been going through sample business emails and e-mail phrase banks that are available on the internet but, none of which is able to show me how to write in a manner that is both concise and courteous at the same time.


    Please allow me to show below an email I wrote to a customer to document an earlier conversation, and how my manager revised it:


    Me:
    Dear Mr Bernbach,


    I am writing to confirm my understand of our conversation earlier today with regard to the... services requested by your customers at...


    * Your management will not be providing the tools and equipment necessary to facilitate installation into your customer's premises.


    * Your... department will advise your customer to facilitate the installation. There will not be further action taken if your customer does not wish to provide.


    If this is not your understanding, please let me know by 21-March 2012.


    Revision:
    Dear Mr. Bernbach,


    Further to our conversation earlier today, allow me to summarise some of the key points as follows:


    The Management is of the view that for the provision of serices to... The Management will not provide the tools and equipment at the... Instead, the... deparment will advise your customer to...


    Would appreciate if you could revert if the above is inaccurate by 21-March 2012


    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    It is clear that the revision is better. It flows more like a conversation and sounds humble.


    How would you write it?

  2. #2
    billmcd is offline Key Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Posts
    3,505
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: Too Rude for E-Mail?

    Quote Originally Posted by Krabby Krabs View Post
    My manager has been telling me that the emails I write to clients and customers is aggressive, somewhat-disrespectful and would invite repercussions.


    I had been going through sample business emails and e-mail phrase banks that are available on the internet but, none of which is able to show me how to write in a manner that is both concise and courteous at the same time.


    Please allow me to show below an email I wrote to a customer to document an earlier conversation, and how my manager revised it:


    Me:
    Dear Mr Bernbach,


    I am writing to confirm my understand of our conversation earlier today with regard to the... services requested by your customers at...


    * Your management will not be providing the tools and equipment necessary to facilitate installation into your customer's premises.


    * Your... department will advise your customer to facilitate the installation. There will not be further action taken if your customer does not wish to provide.


    If this is not your understanding, please let me know by 21-March 2012.


    Revision:
    Dear Mr. Bernbach,


    Further to our conversation earlier today, allow me to summarise some of the key points as follows:


    The Management is of the view that for the provision of serices to... The Management will not provide the tools and equipment at the... Instead, the... deparment will advise your customer to...


    Would appreciate if you could revert if the above is inaccurate by 21-March 2012


    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    It is clear that the revision is better. It flows more like a conversation and sounds humble.


    How would you write it?
    I see nothing wrong with your version if it summarizes the actual conversation/agreement.


Similar Threads

  1. [General] Is it very rude if I don't say thank you?
    By cubezero3 in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 15-Sep-2010, 17:25
  2. [Idiom] rude expression
    By Will17 in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 04-Aug-2010, 08:45
  3. I thought it rude vs I thought it was rude
    By Federerexpress in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 16-Sep-2008, 15:25
  4. Is it rude?
    By heger47 in forum English Slang
    Replies: 19
    Last Post: 09-Aug-2008, 16:57

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •