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    nahal.sd is offline Newbie
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    Default Would you mind correcting my toefl IBT essay?

    Do You agree or disagree? childhood is the most significant time in an individual's life.





    As every characteristic in an individual emerges in childhood, I believe that childhood is the most vital period in everybodyís life. A child learns how to behave in different situations. Also, childhood memories remain in mind till the end of oneís life.
    Childhood is a time when most of first experiences take place. A child learns how to react to fear and joy and Parents have the most significant role in teaching the child how to deal with different situations. For example, they teach him that when strangers approach him, he should be valiant and should not trust them. He should always be nice to people and thank them when heís given presents. He also learns that there are some instructions and obligations that if he doesnít obey them, heís going to be penalized. These are some simple examples that build the base of other characteristics in a child and unless he learns these factors , heís not be able to treat people well or encounter difficulties in the future.
    Memories are a part of oneís life and childhood memories are the ones that are hardly forgettable. Whatever happens in the past, affects the future. If a child is not well-behaved or is deprived of his basic expectations in his childhood, he will never be content with his life as the vacancy always remains and he may treat his own child the same way. Thus, the fact that parents have a considerable role in the childís memories is inevitable. They should try their best to make the childís life joyful so that he is never miserable and when thinking of the past, he has a great image of the past.

    Childhood is the time when most of the characteristics in a child are built. Therefore, Itís crucial that heís treated well in the past and also learns how to encounter problems from the very beginning of his childhood.




    thanks inadvance

  2. #2
    Raymott's Avatar
    Raymott is offline VIP Member
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    Default Re: Would you mind correcting my toefl IBT essay?

    Quote Originally Posted by nahal.sd View Post
    Do You agree or disagree? childhood is the most significant time in an individual's life.


    As every characteristic in an individual emerges in childhood,
    Er, no they don't. Things like grey hair, menopause, many illnesses, etc. emerge late in life.
    Always beware of using "every, always, never" etc. Statements with those words in them are almost never correct.


    I believe that childhood is the most vital period in everybodyís life. A child learns how to behave in different situations. Also, many childhood memories remain in mind till the end of oneís life.
    A very small percentage on childhood memories might.

    Childhood is a time when most of our first experiences take place.
    Good! "most of" - try to use more phrases like this.

    A child learns how to react to fear and joy and parents have the most significant role in teaching the child how to deal with different situations. For example, they teach him that when strangers approach him, he should be valiant careful and should not trust them. He should always be nice to people and thank them when heís given presents. He also learns that there are some instructions and obligations that if he doesnít obey them, heís going to be penalized. These are some simple examples that build the base of other characteristics in a child and unless he learns these factors lessons, heís not be able to treat people well or encounter (cope with?) difficulties in the future.

    Memories are a part of oneís life and childhood memories are the ones that are hardly forgettable.
    I really can't agree. Most people can't remember much before their third birthday.

    Whatever happens in the past, affects the future. If a child is not well-behaved or is deprived of his basic expectations in his childhood, he will never be content with his life as the vacancy always remains and he may treat his own child the same way.
    Again, this doesn't always happen.

    Thus, the fact that parents have a considerable role in the childís memories is inevitable. This doesn't follow. What does follow is that parents generally play a considerable role in a child's future prospects and happiness, or lack thereof.

    They should try their best to make the childís life joyful so that he is never miserable and when thinking of the past, he has a great image of the past. Perhaps, but this is irrelevant to the topic. The topic deals with what is, not with what should be.

    Childhood is the time when most of the characteristics in a child are built. ['most' - good] Therefore, Itís crucial that heís treated well in the past and also learns how to encounter problems from the very beginning of his childhood.

    thanks inadvance
    You need to learn some words like "generally, usually, most often" and use them instead of "always, all, every".
    I also note that you use "he" for all children. You might be unlucky and get a feminist marker in the exam.
    I haven't fixed all your grammar mistakes. The grammar's pretty good though.

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