more than urgent

[yara A-mowgod]

can any one please correct my motivation letter

Dear sir /Madam:
I appreciate the opportunity to provide further background in support of my application for ………………………
That is scholarship it is a great chance to express myself and be part of change that is occurring in society .

My hope that to join to that scholarship to discover new cultures, communities and new ways to learn .

My dream is simple but I think it's also deeply, just to see my country and my society better and contribute in the development . I want to be part of changing and the most of ideas around me ,I think it is more important for me than be accepted in that scholarship, but I hope to give me a chance to achieve that through you and to be the reason that pushed me forward

Really , I do not want be the perfect idol girl that follow the rules any more that stated for THE GIRL CAN NOT TRAVEL ALONE .
Actually, It is my first time that I will travel outside the Arabian Countries . So , help me please to discover the world and think out of the box .
Because of love , change and passion I want be part of your community .
Yours sincerely
Yara A-Mowgod

 

[moonlike]

can any one please correct my motivation letter

Dear sir/Madam:
I appreciate the opportunity to provide further background in support of my application for ………………………
The scholarship is a great chance to express myself and be part of the change that is occurring in the society.

I hope to get that scholarship to discover new cultures, communities and new ways to learn.

My dream is simple but I think it's also deep, just to see my country and my society better and make a contribution to the development. I want to be part of the change and new ideas around me, I think it is more important for me than getting that scholarship, but I hope to have a chance to achieve it through you and to be the reason that pushed me forward.

Really, I do not want be the perfect ideal girl that follows the rules any more.The rules like the one that was stated as THE GIRL CAN NOT TRAVEL ALONE .
Actually, it is the first time that I travel outside the Arabian Countries. So, help me please to discover the world and think outside the box .
Because of love, change and passion I want to be part of your community .
Yours sincerely,
Yara A-Mowgod

Good luck. For sure it needs to be proofread more. My other dear colleagues will give you a hand.

 

[emsr2d2]

I'm afraid I don't have time to do the whole piece at the moment, but I would like to point out that "... be part of the change that is happening in society" is correct (you don't need to say "in the society").