Please check my essay, is it correct or not? I am appearing in IELTS general test.

[tellwaqas]

Some people say television contributes more than other modern inventions tothe quality of life of ordinary people. Do you agree or disagree?

In last, 100 years many great inventions have been taken place which makesour life easier. But some inventions have becomes the necessary part of ourlife. It is true that television is a very important modern invention but it isdisagreed that television contributes more than other modern inventions. It is believedthat modern invention such as internet, computers, mobile phones, i- phones andi-pads contribute more in our daily as compare to television and it also improvesthe quality of life of a common people.
First, the most popular modern invention is the internet and computers. It isstrongly believed that internet and computers are far more beneficial than TV.For example due to internet and computers people now have access of millions informationresources of the world. They do not have to watch unnecessary advertisement Theycan talk or chat with their friends or relatives which are living far fromthem. People can also pay utility bills from home by using internet. They canalso make long distance call by cheap rates. Computers are also widely used inmanufacturing industries; it is widely used to operate machines and robots etc.
Second, the most important invention which is very much essential for ourdaily life is mobile phones. In last couple of months use of mobile phones havebeen increased very much .Now every 4 out 5 people are using mobile phones. Dueto mobile phone people can interact with each other whether they are inside thecity or outside they can talk and share their thoughts.Furthermore, a new typeof mobile phones which are called I phones are also very popular and widelyused by business peoples as well as students. It contains lots of features suchas GPS, chatting, VOIP etc.
Finally, based on the above example it is proved that TV did not have muchcontribution in the life of ordinary people as compared to the other inventionsuch as internet, computer and I phones.

 

[februar]

Some people say television contributes more than other modern inventions to the quality of life of ordinary people. Do you agree or disagree?

Over the last 100 years many great inventions have been taken place which make [STRIKE]our[/STRIKE] life easier. But some inventions have become an indispensable part of [STRIKE]our[/STRIKE] life (or: part of our lives). It is true that the television is a very important modern invention but it is disagreed that it contributes more than other modern inventions. It is believed that modern inventions such as the internet, computers, mobile phones, iPhones and iPads contribute more to everyday life [STRIKE]as[/STRIKE] compared to the television and they also improve the quality of life of the common people.
First, the most popular modern inventions are the internet and computers. It is strongly believed that the internet and computers are far more beneficial than TV. For example due to the internet and computers people now have access to millions of information resources of the world. They do not have to watch unnecessary advertisements. They can talk or chat with their friends or relatives who are living far from them. People can also pay their outstanding bills from home by using the internet. They can, moreover, make long distance calls at cheap rates. Computers are also widely used in manufacturing industries, for example to operate machines and robots etc.
Second, the most important invention which is very much essential for everyday life is the mobile phone. Over the last couple of months the use of mobile phones have been increased very much. Now every 4 out of 5 people are using mobile phones. Due to the mobile phone people can interact with each other whether they are inside the city or outside they can talk and share their thoughts. Furthermore, new types of the mobile phones which are called iPhones are also very popular and widely used, especially by business people as well as students. They contain lots of features such as GPS, chatting, VOIP etc.
Finally, based on the above example it is proved that the TV did not make much of a contribution towards a better quality of life of ordinary people [STRIKE]as[/STRIKE] compared to the other inventions such as internet, computer and iPhones.