[Essay] About Me (Self introduction)

[kabilesh]

Please check the following paragraph and suggest your opinions about this.

"I am kabi. I am staying at soolai with my family. I have completed my UG course in XXX university and PG course in XXX university. I have been working here in XXX(company name) since 2010. Before joining this company ,I was working in XXX (previous company name). Here my role is XXX..Reason to shifted here is to improve my carrier growth.My colleagues are very friendly and motivate me always. My hobbies are listening music, reading books and watching movies. I am very much intrested to spend time with my son. His age is xxx. He is in 5th std. I am very much pleasure to talk with you. This is all about me. Nice to meet you".

 

[moonlike]

Please check the following paragraph and suggest your opinions about this.

"I am Kabi. I am staying at Soolai with my family. I have completed my UG course in XXX university and PG course in XXX university. I have been working here in XXX(company name) since 2010. Before joining this company ,I was working in XXX (previous company name). Here I am working as xxx. I had a change of career to embark on my career progression. My colleagues are very friendly and always motivate me. My hobbies are listening to music, reading books and watching movies. I am very much interested in spending time with my son. He is xxx years old. He is in the 5th grade. I am very much pleased to talk with you. This is all about me. Nice to meet you".

Good luck!

 

[emsr2d2]

Please check the following paragraph and suggest your opinions about this.

"I am kabi.
My name is Kabi.

I am staying at soolai with my family.
I live in Soolai with my family.

I have completed my UG course in XXX university and PG course in XXX university.
I completed my UG course at XXX University and my PG course at XXX University.

I have been working here in XXX(company name) since 2010.
I have been working here since 2010
OR
I have been working at [company name] since 2010.

Before joining this company ,I was working in XXX (previous company name).
Before joining this company, (note the spacing around a comma) I worked at [company name].

Here my role is XXX..
My role/job title here is XXX.

Reason to shifted here is to improve my carrier growth.
The reason I moved to this company was to improve my career (note spelling) opportunities.

My colleagues are very friendly and motivate me always.
My colleagues are very friendly and motivating.

My hobbies are listening music, reading books and watching movies.
My hobbies are listening to music, reading books and watching movies.

I am very much intrested to spend time with my son.
I love spending time with my son.
(Note: we do not say "I am very much interested to ...")

His age is xxx.
He is X years old.

He is in 5th std.
He is in the 5th grade.

I am very much pleasure to talk with you.
It was/has been a pleasure talking to you.
(Note: we do not say "I am very much pleasure...")

This is all about me.
That's everything there is to know about me.

Nice to meet you
It was nice to meet you.

".

The paragraph is a little disjointed but I have left it in your original order. However, I have shown my amendments to each individual sentence above, in red.