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  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2005
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    11
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    Default Can you help me with that?!

    Hello all .. will this is my tma and my grade with the comments the teacher gave me.. but I'm really sad little bit about the grade coz I wished to get more but its better than filling . However I'd like from you to read it and to give me advices so I can use them if I get a tma like this one again.

    First Question
    1-First site "Tom's Hardware":

    This site covers the latest products, and also it covers the latest breaking news about the modern hardware.

    It gives us the facts and news in summary and you can read the details by clicking in its link.

    It was on line with all the new products, and it's up to date coverage.

    I think this site present many views because it's content news which it's usually talks about the people's opinions. Besides, the forum also contents a wide coverage of people's opinions.

    It was very easy to navigate in it, but you need so many hours to exploring this site because it's large.

    I think this site is very good, because it gives us almost all the details we need about any products we like, by clicking in it link so easily and also the visitors can see the site by many languages.

    In my opinion, I don't think it design needs any change, it's really well organized.

    But all what I wish for Tom's site is to keep on going in the world of technology, emulating other hardware sites with its success.

    2-Second site "Personal computer world":
    This site is an electronic magazine which covers hardware's information and Media Company with leading markets positions. Also it covers the latest news about pc's and other hardware, and many else.

    It gives us the facts and news in summary, it's easy to read its layout but you might take many clicks trying to find the piece of information you'd like to explore.

    It was on line with all the latest news and media products, and it's up to date coverage.

    I think this site presents balanced view by taking news and people's opinions.

    It was not difficult to navigating and exploring this site, but it's very large so you need time to finish exploring it.

    I think it is a great site, because it covers a lot of products and news and gives you almost every thing about it. Also the customers can find the best prices of the products.

    I don't think it needs many changes especially in its design because it is really nice, but it needs to add variety languages so many people in this world can visit and shares in this site.

    Second Question
    1-The first massage: (What is your opinion in Tom's hardware site?).
    Hello everybody,

    How are you? I wish that you all get a good clue about Tom's hardware site.

    I'd like to discuss with you, your opinions about this site, and what it needs to be improved?!

    Well, I'll begin with my opinion. I think that it is a good site, because there are lots of details of the new products, all what you have to do is to click on any link you'd like to see it's details, and it will appears so easily.

    But don't you think that it will be better if it's got a forum in it, so many people can share with their opinions?!!

    Waiting for you girls…..

    This massage was successful because it discusses several opinions, so every one has a chance to share others with her opinion, and finally all of them will get use of it and I was the one who gets the most use of it, that's for sure one of the positive things in the forums.

    I think this massage can be improved if I start to put a link to the site we were discussing before any one do, so that the ones didn't visited the site yet can open the link, exploring it, and gives her opinion after easily, I think it will be more faster. But the good thing that one of the students replays had put it instead of me. Also, one of the students has noticed me for something I didn't noticed it before, I really appreciate it, But I wish that I noticed that before.


    2-The second massage: (Re: Does Tom's hardware site give us enough information .....?).

    Dear…….,

    I think that the article's information is not that enough for buyers, but if the buyer likes the information given he can click on its link to discover more and more about it. Don’t you think so?!
    This massage was successful because I've shared with my opinion in a way does not make the others feel that I'm forcing them to accept it, and that is what I've learned from the ethics of sharing in the FORUMS. I think this message can be improved if I begin my replay thanking her for her article and then I can share her with my opinion.

    Grade:70
    Comments:

    Part 1: Evaluate three Web sites:

    1) Web sites coverage: the coverage of the two web sites was discussed but not in depth.

    2) Perspective: the student didn't mention the perspective. But the students was mention the balanced view of the two websites.

    3) Navigation: the navigation of the two websites didn't clearly mention.

    4) Opinion: the overall opinion of the two websites was given but not in a clear way.

    5) Improvement: How the two websites could be improved was mention but in a good way.

    Part 2: Review two of your messages:

    1) First message was listed and discussed according to netiquette principles.

    2) Second message was listed and discussed according to netiquette principles.

    3) The student clearly indicated how the messages could be improved.

    Overall: Overall presentation and formatting was good.

    Analyzing showed that the student needs more skills in analyzing and evaluating web resources.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Posts
    65
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    Exclamation Re: Can you help me with that?!

    Good luck to the teacher who responds to this. My head nearly exploded trying to get through it.

  3. #3
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • Philippines
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Posts
    43,087
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    Default Re: Can you help me with that?!

    You need to join it up into paragraphs and conect the sentences. A list of single sentences is very hard to read:

    This site covers the latest products and breaking news about modern hardware. These facts and news are presented in summary and you can read the details by clicking in the relevant link.
    Etc

    Also, look at how many times you use the phrase 'I think'- you should try to avoid such repetition. Firstly, I know it's your opinion, so you're not giving me much information by saying it. However, if you want to say something along these lines, then why not try some variations, like 'in my opinion', 'I consider', etc.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Posts
    11
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    Default Re: Can you help me with that?!

    Thanx alot "tdol" and SoRry 2 exploded someone's head!!!

    But I had really done what i can do... I wish I'll get better grades in the coming TMA's.

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