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  1. #1
    NewHopeR is offline Senior Member
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    Default Is the expression clear?

    Today's hypotheses deem the major mechanism that the special hormone increases the breast cancer risk is that it facilitates cell proliferation.

    -------------------------------

    What I want to express is:

    Today's hypotheses deem the major mechanism, in which the special hormone increases the breast cancer risk, is that it facilitates cell proliferation.

  2. #2
    bhaisahab's Avatar
    bhaisahab is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: Is the expression clear?

    Quote Originally Posted by NewHopeR View Post
    Today's hypotheses deem the major mechanism that the special hormone increases the breast cancer risk is that it facilitates cell proliferation.

    -------------------------------

    What I want to express is:

    Today's hypotheses deem the major mechanism, in which the special hormone increases the breast cancer risk, is that it facilitates cell proliferation.
    No, it's not clear at all.

  3. #3
    NewHopeR is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: Is the expression clear?

    Quote Originally Posted by bhaisahab View Post
    No, it's not clear at all.
    If so, please rewrite it in another way.

  4. #4
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: Is the expression clear?

    Quote Originally Posted by NewHopeR View Post
    If so, please rewrite it in another way.
    Or - you could rewrite it in another way and then we can see if your new version is clear.

  5. #5
    5jj's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is the expression clear?

    Quote Originally Posted by NewHopeR View Post
    If so, please rewrite it in another way.
    It's difficult to rewrite what one does not fully understand.
    Please do not edit your question after it has received a response. Such editing can make the response hard for others to understand.


  6. #6
    Raymott's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is the expression clear?

    Quote Originally Posted by NewHopeR View Post
    Today's hypotheses deem the major mechanism that the special hormone increases the breast cancer risk is that it facilitates cell proliferation.

    -------------------------------

    What I want to express is:

    Today's hypotheses deem the major mechanism, in which the special hormone increases the breast cancer risk, is that it facilitates cell proliferation.
    "It is believed today that the mechanism by which this hormone increases the risk of breast cancer is that it facilitates cell proliferation."
    "The special hormone" should be replaced by the actual name, eg. oestrogen.

  7. #7
    NewHopeR is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: Is the expression clear?

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    Or - you could rewrite it in another way and then we can see if your new version is clear.
    For the purpose to express it very clearly, I'll use as more words as possible, regardless of being wordy or lengthy:

    Researchers have found a fact that the special hormone (circulating hormone) increases the breast cancer risk.
    To investigate the major mechanism behind this fact, the researchers continued the study and found that the mechanism is that it faciliates cell proliferation and cell mutation.

    Now, I rewrite the above as:

    Today's hypotheses deem the major mechanism, in which the circulating hormone increases the breast cancer risk, is that it facilitates cell proliferation and cell mutation.

  8. #8
    Raymott's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is the expression clear?

    Quote Originally Posted by NewHopeR View Post

    Today's hypotheses deem the major mechanism, in which the circulating hormone increases the breast cancer risk, is that it facilitates cell proliferation and cell mutation.
    The commas don't belong. Also, I'm not sure that hypotheses deem. I would not use 'deem'.

  9. #9
    NewHopeR is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: Is the expression clear?

    Quote Originally Posted by Raymott View Post
    The commas don't belong. Also, I'm not sure that hypotheses deem. I would not use 'deem'.
    Thank you.
    Use what word instead, then?

  10. #10
    Raymott's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is the expression clear?

    Quote Originally Posted by NewHopeR View Post
    Thank you.
    Use what word instead, then?
    I'd use the sentence I gave in #6. But if you have to talk about hypotheses, one would need to know the further context. It's actually the people who make hypotheses that have these opinions.

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