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    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
      • Home Country:
      • China
      • Current Location:
      • China

    • Join Date: Mar 2012
    • Posts: 82
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    #1

    Thumbs up Correction of three sentences, thanks.

    Once a correspondent asked Steve Jobs to give him advice on how to create excellent products, the answer is focus. Actually this concept has influenced a large number of companies. For example, in the Chinese cellphone market, increasingly, many corporations begin to focus on producing one excellent product every year, however, two years ago, these companies produced 5 different kinds of cellphones per month.

    Thank you.

  1. JohnParis's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Retired Academic
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • France

    • Join Date: Oct 2011
    • Posts: 774
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    #2

    Re: Correction of three sentences, thanks.

    Hello Heyuting,
    Here is my suggestion. I split your first sentence into two because you are writing reported speech. There are other ways to rephrase the rest of the paragraph, but I decided to remain as faithful to your original words as possible. I hope other contributors will jump in and offer their suggestions.

    Once, a correspondent asked Steve Jobs to give him advice on how to create excellent products. His answer was "to focus." This concept has influenced a large number of companies. For example, in the Chinese cellphone market, many corporations have begun to focus on producing one excellent product every year. Two years ago, these companies produced 5 different kinds of cellphones a month.

    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
      • Home Country:
      • China
      • Current Location:
      • China

    • Join Date: Mar 2012
    • Posts: 82
    • Post Thanks / Like
    #3

    Re: Correction of three sentences, thanks.

    Thank you. It's very kind of you!
    Quote Originally Posted by JohnParis View Post
    Hello Heyuting,
    Here is my suggestion. I split your first sentence into two because you are writing reported speech. There are other ways to rephrase the rest of the paragraph, but I decided to remain as faithful to your original words as possible. I hope other contributors will jump in and offer their suggestions.

    Once, a correspondent asked Steve Jobs to give him advice on how to create excellent products. His answer was "to focus." This concept has influenced a large number of companies. For example, in the Chinese cellphone market, many corporations have begun to focus on producing one excellent product every year. Two years ago, these companies produced 5 different kinds of cellphones a month.

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