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  1. #1
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    Default please give this synposis a polish.

    please guys help me in editing this synposis because I have done as much as I can. give it a polish that gives the agent and publisher both, a chill of inspiration.

    Crimson Riddle
    Synopsis:
    An evil man named HEGAMONT, found the golden book from a cave and became invulnerable, took his revenge for killing his dragon by forcing King Jordan to leave the empire and become the Dark Emperor. The people of light went to a planet on the sky, by sitting on the five-headed dragons where they planned many ideas to oppose the emperor. However, when they find a prophecy, which said a boy would come and restore justice to the planet, the people of light is waiting for a saviour to come and do such thing for the greater good. Decades later…. A boy named Crimson, not more than fifteen, was nothing more than a farm-boy, finds a letter and realizes something strange has started happening. He met a black ghost who gave him a brief summary of his family and of planet “ACKLAMENTO”, and told that he is in this world with a great responsibility of bringing the happiness, glory and justice, back again. The next day, his parents gave him few of inherited gifts from the ancestors as if they knew the time had come. His parent were odd, just how odd, crimson is about to find. They went to a birthday party of his father’s cousin. they came back at midnight and felt something weird in the air, and on the half way back to home, the Chimneka (the loyal servant of king HEGAMONT) who was in stealth, was waiting for them, possessed crimson to kill his own father, he forced him out of his mind but in the end, he killed him. His mom vanished from the car by some sort of magic. In fact, she was not only a witch but something else too. Chimneka then possessed crimson to kill himself, but black ghost took crimson to the planet on the sky “meltoss” where he learnt the basics of magic, more about the planet on the sky and about the king Jordan who was the former emperor of planet Acklamento and got himself ready for the revenge. He studied magic day and night from the loyal teacher “eston” and practiced the magic from both hand and wand. He also came to know that Chimneka was torturing his brother, who went from the house just before the death of his father. He was dying for the revenge and wanted to go immediately, but his teachers forced him to stay, saying that he is not quite ready. He found that his mother had also left him a letter in his sweater that said that without the basics of magic is like a fire without a light. Nevertheless, the vengeance make the man blind, one midnight he was sitting alone at the garden weeping as he was reminded of the old times with his family, when he found something falling from the sky, he thought it was a meteor, but it was not a meteor, it was an egg of a shape-shifting phoenix. He became the Phoenix rider. Exiled King Jordan gave him permission for the revenge, as he came to know that crimson is now a phoenix rider, to test his worthiness as the saviour. Crimson went with some dragon riders as his guardian. Crimson searched for Chimneka in planet acklamento, and found his own brother against him. Because chimneka had possessed crimson’s brother, he attacked unmercifully, while crimson held amazed. He turned his back on his brother and went for the Chimneka who was standing on his bahamut, laughing, crimson attacked at him with his sword pointing at his chest, but his brother came in front of Chimneka and died. Crimson in desperation spelled a dark magic, which made Chimneka, a century old statue. He had torn the statue into pieces as well as the bahamut. Now his own phoenix shifted into … bahamut (lord of all dragons). Crimson was now ready for the revenge with the king or as he thought so, because he was not even half-ready to kill him. Moreover, he did not know one thing…. that he too is half-dark and half-light, How? It is said that when the chosen one will be chosen and will be in his last of teen’s years, the fiend will be released from its prison, where the prison is also a mystery. Moreover, he will possess someone orwill be possessed by someone too powerful, who after that will be insane, and will not even differentiate between friend or foe. He will only do one thing, kill or burn them. His parents are not human. What are they? Crimson will soon came to know, crimson was shocked to read “neither father nor son can kill each other nor mother or daughter unless being possessed.” WHY WAS HE SHOCKED, THAT IS ANOTHER REASON.

    hope you will not discourage me.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: please give this synposis a polish.

    Rather than correcting your text, I'm giving you some links that might help you. You are far, far too detailed in your action and you don't explain the full arc of your story. You must include how it ends. You are not tyring to pique the agent's curiosity. You are tyring to describe a novel that he or she should think will sell well. (Don't use words in all caps, either.)

    http://www.writersdigest.com/writing...novel-synopsis

    How to Write a Synopsis of Your Novel
    I'm not a teacher, but I write for a living. Please don't ask me about 2nd conditionals, but I'm a safe bet for what reads well in (American) English.

  3. #3
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    Default Re: please give this synposis a polish.

    can you please point some of my detailed action there. well in my point of view, you are one of the 10 most important people of my life. you really do help me where others failed. and why should not I end the synposis in a manner that not only attracts but also force the reader to read the book. well tell me if it is atractive or not.

  4. #4
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    Default Re: please give this synposis a polish.

    You are not writing the cover jacket, which should make the person who may buy your book curious enough to finish it. You are writing to an agent who will try to sell you book. The agent needs to know the entire story line.

    Examples of where you are too detailed:
    They went to a birthday party of his father’s cousin. they came back at midnight - doesn't matter what they were doing. One fateful night, Crimson...

    one midnight he was sitting alone at the garden weeping as he was reminded of the old times with his family, when he found something falling -- Unless the fact that he is at the depths of despair matters, it only matters that he has found this egg.

    Also, you MUST use paragraphs. Group important scenes or conflicts/resolutoins together in one paragraph. That huge wall of text is very hard to read.
    I'm not a teacher, but I write for a living. Please don't ask me about 2nd conditionals, but I'm a safe bet for what reads well in (American) English.

  5. #5
    AMK-future writer's Avatar
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    Default Re: please give this synposis a polish.

    well I did made paragraphs but when I posted here, it became this. hehehe. okay so i will make it a cover jacket and edit other copy and made that one a synposis.

  6. #6
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    Default Re: please give this synposis a polish.

    Is this version better than before?

    Crimson Riddle
    Synopsis:
    An evil man named HEGAMONT, found the golden book from a cave and became invulnerable, took his revenge for killing his dragon by forcing King Jordan to leave the empire and become the Dark Emperor. The people of light went to a planet on the sky, by sitting on the five-headed dragons where they planned many ideas to oppose the emperor. However, when they find a prophecy, which said a boy would come and restore justice to the planet, the people of light is waiting for a saviour to come and do such thing for the greater good.
    Decades later….
    A boy named Crimson, not more than fifteen, was nothing more than a farm-boy, finds a letter and realizes something strange has started happening. He met a black ghost who gave him a brief summary of his family and of planet “ACKLAMENTO”, and told that he is in this world with a great responsibility of bringing the happiness, glory and justice, back again. The next day, his parents gave him few of inherited gifts from the ancestors as if they knew the time had come. His parent were odd, just how odd, crimson is about to find. On one fateful night, they came back at midnight from a party. They felt something weird in the air, and on the half way back to home, the Chimneka (the loyal servant of king HEGAMONT) who was in stealth, was waiting for them, possessed crimson to kill his own father, he forced him out of his mind but in the end, he killed him. His mom vanished from the car by some sort of magic. In fact, she was not only a witch but something else too. Chimneka then possessed crimson to kill himself, but black ghost took crimson to the planet on the sky “meltoss” where he learnt the basics of magic, more about the planet on the sky and about the king Jordan who was the former emperor of planet Acklamento and got himself prepared for the revenge.
    He studied magic day and night from the loyal teacher “eston” and practiced the magic from both hand and wand. He also came to know that Chimneka was torturing his brother, who went from the house just before the death of his father. He was dying for the revenge and wanted to go immediately, but his teachers forced him to stay, saying that he is not quite ready. He found that his mother had also left him a letter in his sweater that said that without the basics of magic is like a fire without a light. Nevertheless, the vengeance make the man blind, one midnight he was sitting alone at the garden weeping, when he found something falling from the sky, he thought it was a meteor, but it was not a meteor, it was an egg of a shape-shifting phoenix. That night, He became the Phoenix rider. Exiled King Jordan gave him permission for the revenge, as he came to know that crimson is now a phoenix rider, to test his worthiness as the saviour.
    Crimson went with some dragon riders as his guardian. Crimson searched for Chimneka in planet acklamento, and found his own brother against him. Because chimneka had possessed crimson’s brother, he attacked unmercifully, while crimson held amazed. He turned his back on his brother and went for the Chimneka who was standing on his bahamut, laughing, crimson attacked at him with his sword pointing at his chest, but his brother came in front of Chimneka and died. Crimson in desperation cursed a dark magic, which made Chimneka, a century old statue. He tore the statue into pieces as well as the bahamut. Now his own phoenix shifted into … bahamut (lord of all dragons).
    Crimson was now ready for the revenge with the king or as he thought so, because he was not even half-ready to kill him. Moreover, he did not know one thing…. that he too is half-dark and half-light. However, he soon came to know as he read his fathers inherited gift (diary) that his mother was first married to the evil king HEGAMONT but during his birth, they argued for some reason and the topic went too long that Hegamont gave the woman notice, and then she married to his other half father.
    It is said that when the chosen one will be chosen and will be in his last of teen’s years, the fiend will be released from its prison, where the prison is also a mystery. Moreover, he will possess someone orwill be possessed by someone too powerful, who after that will be insane, and will not even differentiate between friend and foe. He will only do one thing, kill or burn them. His parents are not human. What are they? Crimson will soon came to know, crimson was shocked to read “neither father nor son can kill each other nor mother or daughter unless being possessed.” Why was he shocked?, because he knew that he could not kill the evil king without being possessed and that makes the matter worse than ever.

    remeber that the paragraphs are given but not shown on this program.

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