I'm working on a contrast essay paper. The 2 articles that I'm contrasting are "The Prince" by Niccolo Machiavelli and "Declaration of Indepence" by Thomas Jefferson. So far I have finished my thesis paragraph, however I feel like its not strong enough. I have to follow my professors structure and I did that really well. Please check my spelling, word choice, and content. Please revise and give me advice on how I could improve my thesis paragraph.


Niccolò Machiavelli and Thomas Jefferson believe that the people's actions shape the characteristics of the ruler and the type of authority that he will have towards the people. Machiavelli, in "The Prince," argues that people are untrustworthy because they are selfish, self-interested, and impulsive. Therefore, to keep the people under control, the ruler must be willing to be cruel and instill fear among the people. Furthermore, the ruler must be a great deceiver and do what is necessary to maintain power over the people. Jefferson, in "The Declaration of Independence" would not have agreed with the ruler that Machiavelli supports because this type of ruler would have been too tyrannical and ruthless. Unlike Machiavelli, Jefferson believes that people can be trusted because they have the ability to make their own decisions. According to Jefferson, the government can only derive their power from the consent of the people. Additionally, Jefferson believes that God has created every man with rights that no one can take away. The key difference between these two is that Machiavelli believes that the government has the power over the people and Jefferson believes that the power comes from the people. Jefferson's form of government is more effective because every man deserves to have their rights and to enjoy the beauty of this world through freedom.