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  1. #1
    mtxw78 is offline Newbie
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    Default I wrote something about where i live. Please correct my writing. thanks

    I am a beginner. I worte some simple sentences But I think there are many errors in it. Please correct my writing.
    You would edit it the way you think it should be. Thanks!

    ================================================== ====
    BEGIN:


    The place where I live is very dangerous in winter because of frozen disaster.
    Roads were covered with hard, thick ice. Tens of thousands vehicles were stranded on the road. Unable to move forward or return home. There was 10 kilometers tailback on the road. Trucks could not transport coal for power plants. Power transmission towers and power lines was collapsed by tons of ice. Tt was too heavy to them. Causing power cuts. Communication went down. Trucks couldn't transport food and medication reached the city.
    Waterworks could not work. People couldn't drink water. Even made the streets too slippery to walk on.
    People could not went to work. Many people fell down and broke arms and legs on the street.


    END:
    ================================================== =====

  2. #2
    februar's Avatar
    februar is offline Member
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    Default Re: I wrote something about where i live. Please correct my writing. thanks

    II am a beginner. I worte wrote some simple sentences But but I think there are many errors in it. Please correct my writing.
    You would Would you please edit it the way you think it should be? Thanks!

    ================================================== ====
    BEGIN:
    In the article I have added: In the past few winters…. because you used simple past. But if it is always so dangerous in winter, you can use simple present, and my addition is not necessary any more. For example: The roads are covered with hard and thick ice.

    The place where I live is very dangerous in winter because of frozen disaster.icy roads.
    In the past few winters, for example, the roads were covered with hard and thick ice causing total chaos on the roads. Tens of thousands of vehicles were stranded on the main road, unable to move forward or return home (Or:…or backward) There were 10 kilometers tailbacks of 10 kilometers on the road. Trucks could not transport coal for power plants. Power transmission towers and power lines collapsed by tons of (Or: a thick sheet of) ice. Tt It was too heavy to them, thus causing power cuts. The consequences were such that communication went down; trucks couldn't transport food and medication reached to the city;
    waterworks could did not work, and people couldn't drink water. Even made In addition, the streets were even too slippery to walk on, so that people could not go to work, and on top of that many people fell down and broke their arms and legs on the street.



    END:
    ================================================== =====
    februar, German speaking
    Last edited by februar; 27-Apr-2012 at 10:30.

  3. #3
    mtxw78 is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: I wrote something about where i live. Please correct my writing. thanks

    februar,
    I am very grateful for your help.

  4. #4
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    SlickVic9000 is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: I wrote something about where i live. Please correct my writing. thanks

    (Not a Teacher)

    I agree with most of Februar's corrections, but there are a few things I'd like to note:

    "Tens of thousands of vehicles were stranded on the main road, unable to move forward or return home (or turn back)."

    -- Removing the 'were' makes this an incomplete statement.

    "There was a 10 kilometer tailback on the road."
    Suggestion: "It was tail to bumper traffic stretching 10 kilometers down the road."

    -- The sentence you originally had would have been fine with the omission of the 's' on 'kilometer' and an 'a' before '10'.
    Also, I've never heard 'tailback' used to refer to a traffic jam here in the US. Most people would likely think you're talking about the
    football position, at first. To that end, I've included an alternate sentence above.

    "Power transmission towers and power lines were collapsed by tons of ice (or ice accumulation), causing power cuts (power outages or blackouts is a better term)."

    -- Again, you need a 'were' to make this a complete sentence. I also combined this sentence with the following sentence. Also, as I noted in the parentheses, power outage and blackout are the most common terms for cut power.
    Last edited by SlickVic9000; 27-Apr-2012 at 21:11.

  5. #5
    februar's Avatar
    februar is offline Member
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    Default Re: I wrote something about where i live. Please correct my writing. thanks

    Thank you SlickVic9000 for your help! I've tried it again and hope that mtxw78 can see that. I'm sorry I made some things worse.

    In the article I have added: In the past few winters…. because you used simple past. But if it is always so dangerous in winter, you can use simple present, and my addition is not necessary any more. For example: The roads are covered with hard and thick ice.

    The place where I live is very dangerous in winter because of icy roads.
    In the past few winters, for example, the roads were covered with hard and thick ice causing total chaos on the roads. Tens of thousands of vehicles were stranded on the main road, unable to move forward or turn back. They were stuck in a 10 kilometer traffic jam. Trucks could not transport coal for power plants. Power transmission towers and power lines were collapsed by ice accumulation. It was too heavy to them, thus causing power outages. The consequences were such that communication went down; trucks couldn't transport food and medication to the city; waterworks did not work, and people couldn't drink water. In addition, the streets were even too slippery to walk on, so that people could not go to work, and on top of that many people fell down and broke their arms and legs on the street.


    END:
    ================================================== =====

  6. #6
    mtxw78 is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: I wrote something about where i live. Please correct my writing. thanks

    Thank you very much for your help. februar and SlickVic9000. I have learned more from you!

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