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  1. #1
    kevinb is offline Newbie
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    Default please look over my formal letter

    So the deadline for the 50 dollar deposit was may 1st, I spoke to my mom a few days before that regarding the deposit, she said she had already spoke to someone and since we are low income the fee would be waived, I thought it had already been taken care of, I called the office of admissions today to make sure everything was ok and up to date because my mom is from Spain and she gets confused easily when it comes to English, I told him the situation and he said that I was wrong and that I would have to send a check for 50 dollars and a letter explaining why I missed the deadline and they would decide whether or not I would stay accepted. What I think happened was my mom was thinking of the fee to send in the application which was waived and confused it with the deposit, so here is my letter, its a rough draft of coarse and I'm not too good with letters so I hope you guys can help, and if anyone can revise my letter that would be very helpful. If there are any bigger/more intelligent sounding words I can use or words I should take out please let me know. Any advice is appreciated, thanks!

    Dear Sir or Madam,

    My name is Kevin _______ and I missed the deadline for the advanced enrollment deposit. I had missed the AED due to a misunderstanding. I spoke to my mother a few days before the AED deadline and she told me she had already spoken to someone and that the fee would be waived due to our low income.

    Naturally I thought that the AED was waived and that it was taken care of. I called today (May 3rd) to make sure that everything was up to date and the gentleman on the phone told me that the AED has not been paid for and that the deadline has passed. After telling him my situation he told me I would have to send a check along with an explanation as to why I have missed the deadline to the office of admissions. My mother is from Spain and often has difficulty understanding English, I believe that my mother spoke to someone and misunderstood them and thought that the AED would be waived due to our low income.

    Michigan state university is the only college I would like to attend this upcoming fall. I spoke to the universities that I have been accepted to and told them I will be attending Michigan State University this upcoming fall so they took me off their acceptance list. I'm sorry for the inconvenience and I hope that after reading this letter a spot for the upcoming semester can still be held for me.

    Yours Faithfully,
    Kevin ________
    P.S------ I would like to change these 2 sentences but I dont know how to make them sound more formal-------------- " I spoke to the universities that I have been accepted to and told them I will be attending Michigan State University this upcoming fall so they took me off their acceptance list. I'm sorry for the inconvenience and I hope that after reading this letter a spot for the upcoming semester can still be held for me."

  2. #2
    billmcd is offline Key Member
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      • English Teacher
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      • United States
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      • United States
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    Default Re: please look over my formal letter

    Quote Originally Posted by kevinb View Post
    So the deadline for the 50 dollar deposit was may 1st, I spoke to my mom a few days before that regarding the deposit, she said she had already spoke to someone and since we are low income the fee would be waived, I thought it had already been taken care of, I called the office of admissions today to make sure everything was ok and up to date because my mom is from Spain and she gets confused easily when it comes to English, I told him the situation and he said that I was wrong and that I would have to send a check for 50 dollars and a letter explaining why I missed the deadline and they would decide whether or not I would stay accepted. What I think happened was my mom was thinking of the fee to send in the application which was waived and confused it with the deposit, so here is my letter, its a rough draft of coarse and I'm not too good with letters so I hope you guys can help, and if anyone can revise my letter that would be very helpful. If there are any bigger/more intelligent sounding words I can use or words I should take out please let me know. Any advice is appreciated, thanks!

    Dear Sir or Madam,

    My name is Kevin _______ and I missed the deadline for the advanced enrollment deposit. I had missed the AED due to a misunderstanding. I spoke to my mother a few days before the AED deadline and she told me she had already spoken to someone and that the fee would be waived due to our low income.

    Naturally I thought that the AED was waived and that it was taken care of. I called today (May 3rd) to make sure that everything was up to date and the gentleman on the phone told me that the AED has not been paid for and that the deadline has passed. After telling him explaining my situation, he told me I would have to send a check along with an explanation as to why I have missed the deadline to the office of admissions. My mother is from Spain and often has difficulty understanding English, I believe that my mother spoke to someone and misunderstood them and thought that the AED would be waived due to our low income.

    Michigan State University is the only college I would like to attend this upcoming fall. I spoke to the universities that where I have been accepted to and told them I will be attending Michigan State University this upcoming fall so they took me off their acceptance list. I'm sorry for the inconvenience and I hope that after reading this letter a spot place for the upcoming semester can still be held for me.

    Yours Faithfully,
    Kevin ________
    P.S------ I would like to change these 2 sentences but I dont know how to make them sound more formal-------------- " I spoke to the universities that I have been accepted to and told them I will be attending Michigan State University this upcoming fall so they took me off their acceptance list. I'm sorry for the inconvenience and I hope that after reading this letter a spot for the upcoming semester can still be held for me."
    b.

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