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Thread: IMPORTANT!

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    #1

    IMPORTANT!

    I have written a short story....please tell me if it's good or not, and one thing more, I have finished my first novel 'crimson riddle and his shattered memories'....the reviews are wonderful. no.1 by karl monger: well thought and intriguing no.2 scribendi: i like the world you create.... I will post it here when I am free.

    SHORT CRIME STORY: By Amk


    BETRAYAL





    CHAPTER 1


    The night overcame the evening and set the owls to hoot and chat with each other on the branches of trees. The scene of torture began like this:
    A man shocked and surprised as well as disappointed, lay on the floor, breathing the air in a way as if this was his last breath. Someone nor too old and nor too smart, stood in front of him. The lights flickered on, and it was clear that the man lying was wrapped in chains, one chain gripping from one hand and one from another, the same way on the legs.
    One thing was clear; the old man was about to torture him. They seem to have some relationship, a deep one. Their eyes staring at each other, old man looked greedy and the man who was being tortured looked simply innocent.
    “This is your last warning,” the old man said “give credit card with password and all the jewels and gold’s you have, just hand it over and you are free to go.”
    “The cash and gold’s and jewels I have are for my son and daughter and for my wife. This is what I told you before and this is what I speak again” the man said, tears in his eyes. “Go ahead and beat me to the death.”
    “It was your choice to make, not mine. Even so, I have taken the jewel and gold in my hands and have failed to get the money under custody, I have brain washed your son and have killed your wife and daughter.”
    “You betrayed the agreement; you will pay for it, if not now, then some day, I swear.”
    “You were most near me, near to my heart, but you betrayed me in the end and brought me to this condition, now I wish the same happens with you…”
    “Enough talk.” The old man said, making his last decision as he moved his hand from the floor to the button nearby at the wall. “I gave you the chance, but you loved to play with your life, okay, that’s not my problem”
    Then he pressed the button.
    The chains flickered electricity on, as they began to torture the body of a young man, then in a few moments, they were stretching his body parts out.
    He yelled in pain something like this: “I will get you for this…” then the blood began to flow as the parts of his body connected with chains splashed out from his body. He roared in pain, then his vision blurred…then he fainted because of blood loss….then he died….his body weightless. The last thing he remembers was that his head being grinded and crushed into pieces by the unmerciful hands of his own father.

    ***



    tell me if you like it....i will post more....
    Last edited by AMK-future writer; 11-May-2012 at 21:17.

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