Dear All,

I am going to sit IELTS General soon. I am preparing for the test, meanwhile I wonder if someone can validate my essay for Task 2 and help me to improve my essay writing style. Below is topic and essay: Thanks for your help in advance.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Topic:
A lot of people believe that the amount of violence shown on TV and in the cinema affects the actions of our young people and therefore increases the amount of violence in our society today.
Do you agree or disagree with this statement ? What can be done to reduce violence in our society today ?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Essay:
Across the globe, the contents of TV and cinema have changed in these years. It is true that many of the TV programs and movies show a huge amount of violence. Being liberal, the censor boards allow movies to show violence to an extent that might disturbs the viewers. In order to attract the viewers, they go dramatize and illustrate the crime or violence in detail without bothering consequences.

As a result of violence shown in the TV and movies, unfortunate young minds are provoked to indulge in the violence. Most of the young people are unable to judge between reality and contents of the media and they are fascinated by heroic activities related with the violence.

I strongly agree that the violence shown in the TV and cinema has a major impact on the young people. Many young people caught in crime have admitted that they used the idea from a cinema or a TV show.

However there are several reasons for increasing violence in the society, the cinema and TV contribute in major though. Censoring the contents of media is one way to help in reducing violence. Apart from this, schools and colleges can have a counseling system to offer advice to young people to handle stressful situations. Needless to say, parents have a great role to play in mentoring their children. Looking at the big picture, there may be reasons for violence like unemployment, poverty which the government should handle on continued basis. To summarize reducing the violence would a joint responsibility of parents, teachers and the government altogether.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------