please can someone check my motivational letter. I am really not happy with it.
Dear Sir or Madam:
I am applying to your Undergraduate programme BSc in Biological Sciences, starting in the second semester, 23 July 2012. My career ambition is to become a doctor and develop a hospital in an under- privileged community and to study Fine Arts and open my own Art Gallery.
High school was a great challenge for me, due to the lack of foundation in mathematics and physics. I was in an ‘ACE’ school from Grade 6-11, which further lead to my academic skills being underdeveloped due to their ‘work at your own pace’ system. When I was in Grade 11, I became aware that the mathematics I did was that of a Grade 8 learner. In the fourth term of 2006, I was transferred to Grade 10, at Felixton College, where my main subjects were mathematics and physics. I was told to drop the subjects, as they believed I would never pass. In the second term, of 2007, I was transferred to Empangeni High School, where I took mathematics, biology, visual art and physics. This was a huge leap for me and passing these subjects required great dedication, perseverance and hard work. I matriculated in 2008 with a BD (bachelor’s degree) gaining University entrance.
I furthered my academic career at Stellenbosch University in 2009, with the study of BSc in Biological Sciences (the Extended Degree Programme). In 2010, there was an armed robbery on our farm, in Kwa-Zulu Natal, which further led to my failure in all first semester modules. Even so, I was approved to continue with the second semester, however another armed robbery forced me to leave in Q3.
During the 18 months, I was fortunate to experience a short course in nursing which lead to exposure in the High Care unit at the Bay Hospital, in KZN, for 6months. The exposure to critical patients and the gratitude one receives after helping a , intensely developed my career ambition, however not as a nurse but as a doctor. To pass time, I further worked at a pre- school and for a Bid-vest company.
I have gained admission at Stellenbosch University, starting in the second semester, 23 July 2012, however due to my younger brother studying at your University; it is more convenient if I too, could study at the University of Pretoria. Furthermore, this would be a great experience due to your outstanding educational system as well as your excellent facilities.
Given my past history of perseverance and dedication, I am confident that I will bring a high level of energy and enthusiasm to your programme. I am sure to exceed your expectations because of both my career ambition and interpersonal skills. I will enrich the programme by enabling fellow students to benefit from my ambitions and open nature.
Thank you for considering my application and I look forward to your acceptance.
Last edited by aly.; 17-May-2012 at 14:43.