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Thread: help me!!

  1. #1
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    Post help me!!

    could someone check this essay, please?I need to know if this is grammatically correct.
    thanks a lot.
    Another face of Africa
    THE LAST BEYOND THE SEAS’ TRAVEL EXPERIENCE I’VE DONE WAS IN SOUTH AFRICA. It has been one of the most interesting experiences in my life because it was a travel that jointed nature and history at the same time.
    SA is completely different from the other countries of the continent, in fact I want you to show three places that have interested me most and that let you see the strong differences from the poverty of the other countries.
    The first place I saw was CAPE TOWN: maybe it was the first impact with this city that has made me fall in love with this country: it is situated in a bay that seems to come out from the treasure’s island. After I went to CAPE OF GOOD HOPE, near Cape Town. It is legendary because was doubled by Diaz in 1488; it is one of the most southern ends of the continent. From there I saw a great view .
    Then, I went to HOUT BAY and I took a boat to see the seals’ island.
    In the same daytime I also visited the BOULDER’S BEACH, and there I was surprised when I saw a JACKASS PENGUINS’ COLONY that walked next to me imperturbable.
    Afterwards, I left for the KAPAMA PRIVATE RESERVE and here I did some safaris and above all there was one of them that interested me most: a night’s safari in which I was lucky to see a leopard on a tree.
    After having left this place I realised that I missed so much the smells and the wild atmosphere that I have never felt in my country.
    I think it could be for you a great experience in which you’d go away from the noisy of the cities and you’d get in touch with a place so pure!!
    The third place I went was JOHANNESBURG.
    I stayed only two days but it was enough to let me see how interesting history is held in that city.
    I saw the MANDELA’S HOUSE that was turned into a museum where I saw a lot of photos that showed me the phases from the development to the disappearance of the APARTHEID, promoted by English people in the first ages of the twentieth century and supported with strength by Dutch men who were the first colonizers: both promulgated a lot of laws that discriminated black people and considered them a lower race. Finally, with Mandela, there was the end of this situation because he fighted against the apartheid. From his election on 1994, the SA has been winning a national unity.
    After having seen the pains of the past, I saw the pains of the present above all concentrated in the BIDONVILLES where is relegated the poorest people and where most houses has been made of tin.
    It was funny the knowledge of a woman who was the head of the neighbourhood, who showed me her house, one of the few houses made with bricks, and she invited me to return someday and to spend a holiday in her home. In fact she has turned her house into a bed and breakfast. Also she became the guide of the group who I was with and she showed us the poorest houses of the neighbourhood and also a sort of chemist’s shop where there were some wizards who usually prepared some medicines to most people in that neighbourhood.
    In spite of the poverty, I saw the children enthusiastic about see us and who desired to play with us.
    This country has been in my heart for its faceting. I hope one day to return back to this surprising place!!

  2. #2
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Default Re: help me!!

    I'm afraid I'm on my way out and can't look at it now, but will be back later. however the title needs changing:
    THE LAST BEYOND THE SEAS’ TRAVEL EXPERIENCE I’VE DONE WAS IN SOUTH AFRICA.

    Beyond the seas'- overseas
    I've done- I had

  3. #3
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    Default Re: help me!!

    thanks for your help!!however, I'm waiting for your further suggestions because I have to do an exam next week and it will concern this topic.

    thanks again
    lilly.

  4. #4
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Default Re: help me!!

    It has been one of the most interesting experiences - was
    a travel that jointed nature and history- a trip combining...
    that have interested me most - that interested
    come out from the treasure’s island. - come from 'Treasure Island'
    After I went- After that...
    was doubled- was rounded
    I saw a great view -had/got (or say what you saw)
    a leopard on a tree- in
    it could be for you a great experience- it could be a great experience for you
    the noisy- the noise
    n the first ages of the twentieth century- early in the twentieth...
    Dutch men Dutchmen, or the Dutch
    discriminated black people- discriminated against black people
    he fighted - fought
    on 1994- in
    the BIDONVILLES- shanty towns
    where is relegated the poorest people - where the poor people are concentrated
    has been made- are made
    to most people- for most people
    about see- about seeing
    who desired- wanted
    my heart for its faceting- I don't understand what you mean here- do you mean because of its many facets?

  5. #5
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    Default Re: help me!!

    I'm so grateful to you for your help!!I think that web sites like this are very important for people like me who want really to improve their english language knowledge.
    thanks for all again!
    lilly

  6. #6
    Tdol is offline Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Default Re: help me!!

    You're welcome, Lilly.

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