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  1. #1
    Ramandeep41 is offline Newbie
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    Post Plz Check my ielts essay and give me suggestion & band score.

    Nowadays, children play computer games for long hours and they do not play old traditional games. What do you think is the reason? Do you think this influences children in a good or a bad way?

    In this modern era, computer games are becoming increasingly vital part of children’s life. Most of the children like to play video games for long hours. Since they are getting dependant on the computer games, traditional games are about to disappear. Although most of the children enjoy plying these games, I believe computer games are bad for them because these can affect their health and behaviour in bad way.
    Computer games are more popular among children than old traditional games, because these are easy to excess and can be played without any partner. As we know, children can get many video games in a video game CD, and they do not have to have another partner to play these games. For example, my brother John like to play these games because he does not want to go outside and find a partner to play with him. These are the reasons which lead children to play computer games, and influence them in a bad way.
    Playing computer games for long hours is not an excellent idea for children because it can get them into some serious health problems. It can effect children’s eyes and back if they sit in front of computer screen for long hours. Moreover, children can learn some bad skills through these games such as cheating, fighting and stealing. For instance, my friend, Anthony, like to use cheats while playing, vice city II, a video game.
    In conclusion, computer games are popular in this technology era. Therefore, I strongly believe that all children should have to pay attention on traditional games more than computer games because the traditional games carry more benefits with them. As result, children must be encouraged by parents to participate in the traditional games regardless of their likings.

  2. #2
    HanibalII is offline Member
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    Default Re: Plz Check my ielts essay and give me suggestion & band score.

    What type of essay is it? Is it a persuasive first person?
    Are you suppose to be writing it from your perspective? Or are you suppose to write neutrally?


    In this modern era, computer games are becoming a vital part of a child's life.

    Most children like to play video games for long hours.
    Small changes I would make.




    NOT A TEACHER

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