Results 1 to 5 of 5
  1. #1
    learning54's Avatar
    learning54 is offline Senior Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • Spanish
      • Home Country:
      • Spain
      • Current Location:
      • Spain
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Posts
    1,125
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Could you proofread this short paragraph please?

    Hi teachers,
    Could you correct this short paragraph? My problem is with this sentence, 'Really early for him'. I would like to use the word 'early' somewhere in the paragraph. I just don't know if I did it right.
    Addional information: Robert is a very lazy person that too often arrives late at work. One day he did it at 10:30 and his boss was very angry with him and told him that it was the last time or he will be fired. By the way, He starts working at 9.00.

    I wonder which option is better? Is there a better one? The paragraph is for beginner students.

    Option:B
    After the discussion with Mr.Landon, Robert has got lots of time for breakfast because he is up at 6:50. Now it’s only half past seven in the morning, really early for him, and he is having a large breakfast in the kitchen.

    Option:B
    After
    the discussion with Mr. Landon, Robert has got lots of time for breakfast because he is up at 6:50. Now it’s only half past seven in the morning and he is having a large breakfast in the kitchen, really early for him.

    Thanks in advance.
    Last edited by learning54; 29-May-2012 at 06:23.

  2. #2
    CarloSsS's Avatar
    CarloSsS is offline Senior Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • Czech
      • Home Country:
      • Czech Republic
      • Current Location:
      • Czech Republic
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    629
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: Could you proofread this short paragraph please?

    I'm not a teacher, however, since no teacher has responded as yet (and they are unlikely to do so in the future), I'll have a crack at it. Let me know if my corrections fit your needs.

    Quote Originally Posted by learning54 View Post

    After
    the discussion with Mr. Landon, Robert has got lots of time for breakfast because he is has been up at since 6:50. Now it’s only half past seven in the morning and he is having a large breakfast in the kitchen. Having breakfast so early in the morning is very unusual for him.

    Thanks in advance.
    Please note that I'm not a teacher.

  3. #3
    learning54's Avatar
    learning54 is offline Senior Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • Spanish
      • Home Country:
      • Spain
      • Current Location:
      • Spain
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Posts
    1,125
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: Could you proofread this short paragraph please?

    Quote Originally Posted by CarloSsS View Post
    I'm not a teacher, however, since no teacher has responded as yet (and they are unlikely to do so in the future), I'll have a crack at it. Let me know if my corrections fit your needs.
    Hi,
    Thank you very much for your interest. Let me tell you about my paragraph. It can only be in 'present' due to the students haven't done the present perfect or past yet. As I said in my original post, my problem is with this sentence, 'Really early for him'. Do both positions fit it?

    L

  4. #4
    CarloSsS's Avatar
    CarloSsS is offline Senior Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • Czech
      • Home Country:
      • Czech Republic
      • Current Location:
      • Czech Republic
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    629
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: Could you proofread this short paragraph please?

    This sentence "Robert has got lots of time for breakfast because he is up at 6:50" looks really unnatural with the past simple and I doubt any native would utter such a thing. In my view, even though your students do not know about present perfect or past simple, they should not be thought things that are incorrect. Nevertheless, you are the teacher so do as you see fit.

    As for the "really early for him part", I would modify it as follows:

    Now it’s only half past seven in the morning, which is really early for him, and he is having a large breakfast in the kitchen.

    The second option with the clause at the end seems unnatural to me.
    Please note that I'm not a teacher.

  5. #5
    learning54's Avatar
    learning54 is offline Senior Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • Spanish
      • Home Country:
      • Spain
      • Current Location:
      • Spain
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Posts
    1,125
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: Could you proofread this short paragraph please?

    Quote Originally Posted by CarloSsS View Post
    This sentence "Robert has got lots of time for breakfast because he is up at 6:50" looks really unnatural with the past simple and I doubt any native would utter such a thing. In my view, even though your students do not know about present perfect or past simple, they should not be thought things that are incorrect. Nevertheless, you are the teacher so do as you see fit.

    As for the "really early for him part", I would modify it as follows:

    Now it’s only half past seven in the morning, which is really early for him, and he is having a large breakfast in the kitchen.

    The second option with the clause at the end seems unnatural to me.
    Hi,
    Thank you very much for your reply.

    L

Similar Threads

  1. Can someone help me proofread this paragraph?
    By subaru0327 in forum CVs, Resumes and Applications
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 08-Feb-2012, 03:38
  2. [General] Could you please proofread this short paragraph?
    By yousefnofal in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 25-Jul-2010, 17:09
  3. [General] Could you please proofread this short paragraph?
    By yousefnofal in forum Letter Writing
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 25-Jul-2010, 05:17
  4. Could you please proofread this short paragraph? Thank you!
    By ARUK2008 in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 24-Jul-2010, 22:26
  5. please proofread my paragraph
    By redgiant in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 03-Dec-2008, 19:24

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •