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    #1

    Please I need help getting back on my feet, starting with my motivation letter! ASAP!

    Hi there!


    I know that for most of you I'm just one more non-english speaking student asking you to proofread my motivation letter or just to give me any advice in general. But for me this is a very important step, I'm trying to get back to the academic world after almost 3 years pause after having my kid and I feel like I need some help. I would very much appreciate any tips, advice or opinions. Thanks!


    Here's the letter in question:


    Dear Professor X

    I am writing to apply for one of the offered PhD programs at the Institute of “Nanoscience for Energy Technology and Sustainability”.

    My interest in sustainable chemical processes started already while finishing my Bachelor Degree in Chemistry in 2002. There I developed and characterized an electrochemical cell for the degradation of non-biodegradable compounds found in water. Because of my academic achievements throughout my first degree, I was granted a “Postgraduate Excellence Scholarship” at the same university, which allowed me to complete my Master Degree in Food Chemistry in 2004.

    Shortly after, I got accepted at the Institute of Process Engineering (Austria) where I got the opportunity to work on different projects with ultrafiltration membranes. Mainly my work consisted in the separation and concentration of goat’s skim milk, as well as dealing with the consequent build up of high concentration of rejected protein at the membrane interface.

    In 2006, I got admitted at the MAS Program in “Nutrition and Health” at the ETH in Zürich. For my thesis work, I developed and validated a method based on atomic absorption spectroscopy for the determination of Selenium concentration in human serum. That resulted in a collaboration with my thesis supervisor Prof. Zimmermann where the Selenium deficiency distribution was assessed in blood serum samples obtained from Ivory Coast.

    Throughout my academic education and work, I was always amazed at science’s fast moving pace and how rapidly the volume of information gathered increased. Nowadays, the role of nanotechnology in the development of sustainable chemical processes, especially in the capture, storage and transfer of energy becomes increasingly important. Therefore, the chance to work at this PhD will grant me the opportunity to look inside the fascinating world of nanoscience and to master the new available nanotechnological tools, which in turn will be an excellent platform for my future career.

    Overall, I have gathered experience at designing, developing and executing projects in different fields in Chemistry and time after time I have proven my capacity to perform those tasks independently. Additionally I have gained experience with scientific techniques, laboratory work, reading and writing skills, communication skills and teamwork. I’m flexible and have the ability to adjust myself according to the needs of work and environment.

    If you have any questions or concerns, please feel free to contact me. Thank you for considering my application, and I look forward to your acceptance.

    Yours faithfully,

    XYZ

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    #2

    Re: Please I need help getting back on my feet, starting with my motivation letter! A

    Quote Originally Posted by loilita View Post
    Hi there!


    I know that for most of you I'm just one more non-english speaking student asking you to proofread my motivation letter or just to give me any advice in general. But for me this is a very important step, I'm trying to get back to the academic world after almost 3 years pause after having my kid and I feel like I need some help. I would very much appreciate any tips, advice or opinions. Thanks!


    Here's the letter in question:


    Dear Professor X

    I am writing
    This is my application to apply for one of the offered PhD programs at the Institute of “Nanoscience for Energy Technology and Sustainability”.

    My interest in sustainable chemical processes started already while finishing my Bachelor Degree in Chemistry in 2002. There
    At that time I developed and characterized an electrochemical cell for the degradation of non-biodegradable compounds found in water. Because of my academic achievements throughout my first degree, I was granted a “Postgraduate Excellence Scholarship” at the same university (you should identify the university), which allowed me to complete my Master Degree in Food Chemistry in 2004.

    Shortly after, I[STRIKE] got [/STRIKE
    was accepted at the Institute of Process Engineering (Austria) where I got had the opportunity to work on different a variety of projects with ultrafiltration membranes. Mainly my work consisted in the separation and concentration of goat’s skim milk, as well as dealing with the consequent build up of high concentrations of rejected protein at the membrane interface.

    In 2006, I got admitted at
    to the MAS Program in “Nutrition and Health” at the ETH in Zürich. For my thesis work, I developed and validated a method based on atomic absorption spectroscopy for the determination of Selenium concentration in human serum. That resulted in a collaboration with my thesis supervisor Prof. Zimmermann where the Selenium deficiency distribution was assessed in blood serum samples obtained from the Ivory Coast.

    Throughout my academic education and work, I was always amazed at science’s fast moving pace and how rapidly the volume of information gathered increased. Nowadays, the role of nanotechnology in the development of sustainable chemical processes, especially in the capture, storage and transfer of energy becomes
    has become increasingly important. Therefore, the chance to work at this in your PhD program will grant allow me the opportunity to look inside the fascinating world of nanoscience and to master the new available nanotechnological tools, which in turn will be an excellent platform for my future career.

    Overall, I have gathered experience at designing, developing and executing projects in different fields in Chemistry and time after time I have proven my capacity to perform those tasks independently. Additionally, I have gained experience with scientific techniques, laboratory work, reading and writing skills, communication skills and teamwork. I’m flexible and have the ability to adjust myself according to the needs of work and environment.

    If you have any questions or concerns, please feel free to contact me. Thank you for considering my application, and I look forward to your acceptance.

    Yours faithfully,

    XYZ
    A few tweaks. Bueno suerte!

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    #3

    Re: Please I need help getting back on my feet, starting with my motivation letter! A

    Quote Originally Posted by billmcd View Post
    A few tweaks. Bueno suerte!
    Hi billmcd!

    First of all, thanks a lot for your comments and especially your time.
    I incorporated some of your suggestions and here is the result.
    I'll briefly comment on the suggestions that I didn't incorporate and why.

    Dear Professor X

    *I am writing to apply for one of the offered PhD programs at the Institute of “Nanoscience for Energy Technology and Sustainability”.

    My interest in sustainable chemical processes started while I was finishing my Bachelors Degree in Chemistry in 2002 at the “Universidad de las Americas”. For my final thesis project I developed and characterized an electrochemical cell for the degradation of non-biodegradable compounds found in water. Because of my academic achievements throughout my first degree, I was granted a “Postgraduate Excellence Scholarship” at the same university, which allowed me to complete my Masters Degree in Food Chemistry in 2004.

    Shortly after, I was accepted at the Institute of Process Engineering (Austria) where I had the opportunity to work on a variety of projects with ultrafiltration membranes. My work consisted predominately of studying the separation and concentration of skim goat milk, as well as dealing with the consequent build up of high concentration** of rejected proteins at the membrane interface.

    In 2006, I was admitted to the MAS Program in “Nutrition and Health” at the ETH in Zürich. For my thesis work, I developed and validated a method based on atomic absorption spectroscopy for the determination of Selenium concentration in human serum. This resulted in a collaboration with my thesis supervisor Prof. Zimmermann where the Selenium deficiency distribution was assessed in blood serum samples obtained from the Ivory Coast.

    Throughout my academic education and work, I have always been amazed at science’s fast moving pace and how rapidly the volume of information gathered increases. Ever since the Nobel Prize in Physics was awarded in 2010 for the pioneering research on graphene I have become very interested in the potential impact that nanotechnology has in the development of sustainable chemical processes, especially in the capture, storage and transfer of energy. Therefore, the chance to work on this PhD would allow me the opportunity to look inside the fascinating world of nanoscience and to master the newly available nanotechnological tools, which in turn would be an excellent platform for my future career.

    Overall, I have gathered a wide range of experience in designing, developing and executing projects in different fields in Chemistry, and time after time I have proven my capacity to perform those tasks independently. Additionally I have gained experience with scientific techniques, laboratory work, reading and writing skills, communication skills and teamwork. I’m flexible and have the ability to adjust myself according to the needs of work and environment.

    If you have any questions or concerns, please feel free to contact me. Thank you for considering my application, and I look forward to hearing from you.

    Yours sincerely,
    XYZ

    * While doing my first research on motivation letters, I realized that there are some formalities that everybody uses, and I guess that first sentence is one of them
    ** If I write "concentrations" wouldn't I mean it in the chemical way? I'm not trying to say that the protein is highly concentrated, but that the protein concentrated itself on the membrane interface. Does that make sense?

    So thank you again for your help. I look forward to hearing your opinion on the new version.

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