Results 1 to 7 of 7
  1. #1
    o_cat Guest

    My composition (2)

    On the picture, we can see a lamp light brightly in the darkness. Naturally, I associate it with love. When we talk about love, we always recall something that ever warmed our heart.
    For example. Once there was a little girl. She was so poor that she had no money to pay the tuition. A kind woman helped her through the Project of Hope when she felt worried and helpless. With the money she gained from the woman, the girl returned to school. You can imagine how appreciatory and glad she was! The Project of Hope helped many children who had the similar situation with the little girl. As a result, most of them returned to school studying with other students in the same age. And that is what we say: love is lamp, the darker the situation is, the more brightly in flames.
    Love means care and help. The best way to show your love is to help someone who is in trouble. And belief that with your help, they can walk out a pretty pass. So, if youíre in such a situation, donít hesitate, show your love and help him.

    Please give me some advices, thank you!

  2. #2
    RonBee's Avatar
    RonBee is offline Moderator
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Other
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Posts
    16,570
    Post Thanks / Like

    Re: My composition (2)

    Here is some advice. :D

    On the picture, we can see a lamp light brightly in the darkness.
    Say in the picture. Also, if a lamp is shining you don't need to mention that it is lit. Perhaps:

    • In the picture we can see a lamp shining brightly and surrounded by darkness.


    Naturally, I associate it with love. When we talk about love, we always recall something that ever warmed our heart.
    Our is plural, so the noun that it is "attatched" to should be plural. Try:

    • Naturally, I associate it with love. When we talk about love, we always recall something that has warmed our hearts.


    For example. Once there was a little girl. She was so poor that she had no money to pay the tuition.
    Say:

    • For example, once there was a little girl.


    That is good except that in an important sense it is not finished. It would be more ordinary to say something like:

    • For example, once there was a little girl who was very poor. She was so poor she couldn't afford to go to school.


    If you use tuition you always have to say what it is for. For example:

    • She couldn't afford the tuition for college.


    Or:

    • She couldn't afford the tuition for medical school.


    :)

  3. #3
    RonBee's Avatar
    RonBee is offline Moderator
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Other
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Posts
    16,570
    Post Thanks / Like

    Re: My composition (2)

    A kind woman helped her through the Project of Hope when she felt worried and helpless.
    That one is a little vague. How did she help her? What did the Project of Hope do?

    With the money she gained from the woman, the girl returned to school.
    With the money she got from the woman, the girl returned to school.

    You can imagine how appreciatory and glad she was!
    • You can imagine how appreciative and glad she was!


    The Project of Hope helped many children who had the similar situation with the little girl.
    • The Project of Hope has helped many children in similar situations.


    Say has helped unless that organization no longer exists.

    As a result, most of them returned to school studying with other students in the same age.
    • As a result, most of them returned to school to study with other students the same age.


    And that is what we say: love is lamp, the darker the situation is, the more brightly in flames.
    And that is what we say: love is lamp; the darker the situation is the more brightly in flames burn.

    There are other words you can use there besides burn.

    Love means care and help. The best way to show your love is to help someone who is in trouble. And belief that with your help, they can walk out a pretty pass. So, if youíre in such a situation, donít hesitate, show your love and help him.
    • Love means care and help. The best way to show your love is to help someone who is in trouble. And believe that with your help, they can walk out a pretty pass. So, if youíre in such a situation, donít hesitate. Show your love and help that person in need.


    I have an idea, but I am not sure what you mean by a pretty pass.

    :)

  4. #4
    o_cat Guest
    That one is a little vague. How did she help her? What did the Project of Hope do
    The Project Hope ( I found this appellation in a book. :) ) is a project to help the school-agers in remote rural areas who can not afford to go to school. It works like a charity. Individual can subscribe money or things to the Project Hope, and the Project Hope will give that to the one who need it.

    The Project of Hope helped many children who had the similar situation with the little girl.


    The Project of Hope has helped many children in similar situations.


    Say has helped unless that organization no longer exists.
    That organization still exists. So should I say helped instead of has helped?

    I have an idea, but I am not sure what you mean by a pretty pass.
    A pretty pass means hot water or morass, I found that in a dictionary. :)

  5. #5
    o_cat Guest
    Thanks a million, Ron!

  6. #6
    RonBee's Avatar
    RonBee is offline Moderator
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Other
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Posts
    16,570
    Post Thanks / Like
    Quote Originally Posted by o_cat
    That one is a little vague. How did she help her? What did the Project of Hope do
    The Project Hope ( I found this appellation in a book. :) ) is a project to help the school-agers in remote rural areas who can not afford to go to school. It works like a charity. Individual can subscribe money or things to the Project Hope, and the Project Hope will give that to the one who need it.
    That is a good explanation. I would use some or all of that in your composition. (Say: individuals or people. Also, use give instead of subscribe. Also, say Project Hope will give to those in need.)

    The website for Project HOPE: http://www.projecthope.org/

    :)

  7. #7
    RonBee's Avatar
    RonBee is offline Moderator
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Other
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Posts
    16,570
    Post Thanks / Like
    Quote Originally Posted by o_cat
    The Project of Hope helped many children who had the similar situation with the little girl.


    The Project of Hope has helped many children in similar situations.


    Say has helped unless that organization no longer exists.
    That organization still exists. So should I say helped instead of has helped?
    No, helped (past tense) suggests that it is something that happened and is finished. Use has helped.

    Quote Originally Posted by o_cat
    I have an idea, but I am not sure what you mean by a pretty pass.
    A pretty pass means hot water or morass, I found that in a dictionary. :)
    The phrase is in hot water and it means you are in trouble. A pretty pass as in the expression We have come to a pretty pass is a situation in which you have to make a difficult decision and the outcome does not seem like it will be a good one in any case.

    :)

Similar Threads

  1. Composition writing
    By Tdol in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 02-Mar-2004, 23:42
  2. composition opinion about education
    By jvaldelv in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 12-Jan-2004, 17:50
  3. my composition
    By o_cat in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 18
    Last Post: 02-Nov-2003, 18:37
  4. A composition
    By Mariaeuge14 in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 27-Oct-2003, 04:35
  5. composition
    By Anonymous in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 17-Jun-2003, 14:16

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •