a letter to invite an official as a judge for an event

[jainaa]

hello,
I have to write a letter to an official who has been the part of your event long time ago. I got his reference from my senior and we want to approach him for an event again. Can you please tell me how should I begin my letter?

Respected Sir,
I am Ashwini jain, member of xyz club. I got your reference from Mr Kshitij who was our past president. Our club has been active for many years. Every year.Our event Rivera has been one of the iconic events in past times. We had got your reference from Mr Michael in 2009 and through him we had also got in touch with you. this year as well we are organizing Rivera .It would be an honour for us to have you in the capacity of judge for the event. We intend to organize the event in the later part of March 2013. We shall confirm the date of the event by the end of the year. We would really grateful to you could grace the occasion with your presence.kindly confirm your availability

Yours sincerely,


Ashwini jain
(President,xyz club,
contact-33892323

Can you suggest me changes in the above letter , to make it sound more professional.

 

[billmcd]

hello,
I have to write a letter to an official who has been the part of your event long time ago. I got his reference from my senior and we want to approach him for an event again. Can you please tell me how should I begin my letter?

Dear Mr. ________ [STRIKE]Sir[/STRIKE],
[STRIKE]I am [/STRIKE] My name is Ashwini jain, member of xyz club. I[STRIKE] got [/STRIKE][STRIKE]your[/STRIKE] received your name as a reference from Mr Kshitij who was our past president. Our club has been active for many years. Every year our event, Rivera has been one of the iconic events in the area [STRIKE] times[/STRIKE]. We had [STRIKE]got [/STRIKE] received your [STRIKE]reference[/STRIKE] name from Mr Michael in 2009 and through him we had also got in touch with you. This year as well, we are organizing Rivera .It would be an honour for us to have you in the capacity of judge for the event. We intend to organize (hold?) the event in the later part of March 2013. We shall confirm the date of the event by the end of the year. We would be really grateful [STRIKE]to [/STRIKE] if you could grace the occasion with your presence. Please kindly confirm your availability for our event.

Yours sincerely,


Ashwini jain
(President,xyz club,
contact-33892323

Can you suggest me changes in the above letter , to make it sound more professional.

A few suggestions.