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  1. #1
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    Default Problems with eassy

    I have some problems with my writings. My vocabulary is limited. Although I have learned a lot of new words, I still cannot use them in particular sentences. It helps my in my reading, I admit, but no use in writing composition. Moreover, I cannot write complex sentences, just the simple ones. My classmates usually like to use complex sentences, which I can hardly understand waht they mean. So that makes me worried. I need your helps.
    PS: can you give me some advises to use phrasal verbs? My teacher encourages me to use them in my eassy, but I find them difficult to use.

  2. #2
    Tdol is online now Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Default Re: Problems with eassy

    Could you put up a paragraph of your writing, then we could go through it together and look at ways of changing things?

  3. #3
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    Unhappy Re: Problems with eassy

    This is one of my homework. I quote the original one and leave out the corrections of my teacher.
    Topic: Natural disasters
    Last week a massvive earthquake hit a small tomw in Japan. It was a highly populated area, and no one had ever expected such a disaster to befall.
    Earthquake and flood are two of the most terrible disasters in the world. When an earthquake occurred, almost everything was caught unprepared. Buildings and homes were pulled down. Hundreds of people perished while thousands were seriously got injured. Not less horrible than earthquake, flood is also a terror for those who had experienced. If often came about so fast that people did not have enough time to prepare. Thousands of people and livestocks were drowned or swept away by the water. As a result, bot earthquake and flood destroyed not only the lives of people, but also their livelihood.
    In any natural disasters, the aftermath is sometimes just more serious than the disaster itself, as it always leave a lot of sufferings and hardships on people. Not only were suvivors left stranded and freezing in the open, but also that had no food, no tents and quilts to live on. Moreover, disasters usually come along with dangerous diseases. For ionstance, a great number of suvivors was infected with cholera after the flood. Sometimes disasters also cause starvation. Therefore, many more lives might be lost.
    Recovery and reconstruction are unavoidable in any natural disaster. Foreign countries should help the victims of the disasters. Medical aid is the most essential. Doctors from other countries should do the volunteer work in countries that have benn hit. A disaster relief fund is also neccessary. Besides giving money, people over the world can also send clothes, food and goods to help the victims to live on. A helping hand from us will do them the world of good.
    In conclusion, a disaster might hit people at the back of their minds. So people should have been trained hoeto protect themselves, as well as their families.
    There are a lot of mistakes in the compositon. This one was a homework, so I had times to prepare and do references. But it was disappointed. If it was done in class with limited time, the result would be worse. The teacher's comment was "Be careful of the correct usage of tense for such a topic". I usually get confused with the tense. I don't know how to use the correct tense for particular topics. I arrived at an English-speaking country 2 months ago, and just finished the English Bridging course for foreign students. I'm a Sec 3 student, and the term will start in Jan 2006. I'm worried that my English is not good enough to follow the lesson together with the loxal students next year. The new school year is coming, so I really need your advises to improve my language learning.
    Last edited by huy_njc; 20-Dec-2005 at 11:21.

  4. #4
    Tdol is online now Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Default Re: Problems with eassy

    I think you could improve your writing by planning and structuring it a bit better:

    Last week a massvive earthquake hit a small tomw in Japan. It was a highly populated area, and no one had ever expected such a disaster to befall.

    Earthquake and flood are two of the most terrible disasters in the world. When an earthquake occurred, almost everything was caught unprepared. Buildings and homes were pulled down. Hundreds of people perished while thousands were seriously got injured.
    Here, you start with a specific example, then move to a general statement about two natural disasters, introducing floods. Why not do it the other way around and make the general statement, then give the example:

    Earthquake and floods are two of the most terrible disasters in the world. Last week a massive earthquake hit a small town in Japan. It was a highly populated area, and no one had ever expected such a disaster to befall.

    This seems more logical to me. Then the next part is a descritpion, but of what? Is it a description of the earthquake in Japan, or an earthquake in general? The reason this is not clear is because you say 'an eathquake', which sounds general, and the the past tense, which suggests you are describing the events in japan. Let's say you are describing the Japanese earthquake:

    When the earthquake occurred, almost everything was caught unprepared. Buildings and homes were pulled down. Hundreds of people perished while thousands were seriously injured.
    The change to 'the' is a tiny one, but it liks everything up better, especially after the change of sequence at the beginning.

    After this, you start introducing other information about survivors stranded- is this Japan or another event? I live in Japan and I haven't heard of any this in the news. If you're describing another event, then shouldn't you tell the reader that you are changing? You then bring in cholera after the flood- which flood? I think what you're doing is writing a bit fast- you have the ideas in your head, but you must always remember the reader- will they know what you are talking about? I think you are mixing the general statements and your eamples without giving enough information for us to know.

    Take the following:
    In any natural disasters, the aftermath is sometimes just more serious than the disaster itself, as it always leave a lot of sufferings and hardships on people. Not only were suvivors left stranded and freezing in the open, but also that had no food, no tents and quilts to live on.
    Now, what I suggest you do is look carefuly at the tenses- why have you changed from the present (talking in general) to the past? Are you now describing a factual event? If so, which one? I could guess that you are referring to the appalling tragedy in pakistan, but that's guessing from the news recently. If you have made that jump, shouldn't you have told your reader? Try rewriting just this bit and we'll look at it again.

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Problems with eassy

    You see, I usually get confused with the tenses. I just use them randomly. I know that is no good, but I don't know how to make good my shortcomings. When I am given a topic to write, hardly I find some ideas, so it often takes me a long time. However, when I have some, I still don't know how to express fluently. OK, I'll rewrite that bit.
    In any natural disasters, the aftermath is sometimes more serious than the disaster itself, as it always cause a lot of sufferings and hardships on people. For instance, after an earthquake hit Pakistant a few months ago, suvivors were not only left stranded and freezing in the open, but also they had no food and tents tents to live on.
    When I wrote this essay, I just created the tragedy, so I'm sorry about the incorrect infomation (an earthquake hit a small town in Japans last week) :D
    Another problem is that I can't use "strong and colours" words, as well as the complex sentences. This one I did at home, therefore I could use some colour adjectives after checking the dictionary. But if I did it in class without the help of the dictionary, the essay would be very boring.

  6. #6
    Tdol is online now Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Default Re: Problems with eassy

    Quote Originally Posted by huy_njc
    In any natural disasters, the aftermath is sometimes more serious than the disaster itself, as it always cause a lot of sufferings and hardships on people. For instance, after an earthquake hit Pakistant a few months ago, suvivors were not only left stranded and freezing in the open, but also they had no food and tents tents to live on.
    OK- disaster/suffering/hardship- all should be singular
    Typos- survivors/Pakistan

    Tenses- if you kow you are guessing, then you know where the probloem lies. Therefore, where you start guessing, you have to start asking yourself certain questions. In this tyoe of essay, you are using two things:

    General Facts
    Examples

    Now, what are the tenses you need for these?

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Problems with eassy

    For General Facts I would use the Present tense.
    For Examples I would use the Past Tense.

  8. #8
    Tdol is online now Editor, UsingEnglish.com
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    Default Re: Problems with eassy

    Yes

  9. #9
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    Default Re: Problems with eassy

    hi my friend ,l think u can solve your problem by using new words when you speaking ,because l had same problem but know l think lam much better now,and l cant learn any word with out using them.l hope my advice help you .

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