Results 1 to 6 of 6
  1. #1
    easybreakable's Avatar
    easybreakable is offline Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Academic
      • Native Language:
      • Arabic
      • Home Country:
      • Libya
      • Current Location:
      • Libya
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Posts
    249
    Post Thanks / Like

    Lightbulb Your thoughts about translated piece of poetry...

    I'd like to hear from you regarding this, I can't say I'm satisfied with some word choices and I feel something wrong with the grammars.

    I recall my days with you

    I recall my days with you
    like someone sees things through the window of a fast train:
    deserted and beautiful
    impossible to grasp...

    From time to another
    let's be children again
    let's grieve without false pride

    The day I die
    I will think about that bright moment
    when we stood in the darkness
    on the porch of decision
    You said hatefully: "I love you"
    I will remember your voice

    and death comes pleasantly
    will hold me like a womb of forgotten joy
    and I will whisper in a similar hatred:

    oh how much I loved you.


  2. #2
    BobK's Avatar
    BobK is offline Harmless drudge
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • UK
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    15,574
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: Your thoughts about translated piece of poetry...

    What is the original? If the original is yours, perhaps this would a more fruitful place to discuss it.

    b

  3. #3
    easybreakable's Avatar
    easybreakable is offline Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Academic
      • Native Language:
      • Arabic
      • Home Country:
      • Libya
      • Current Location:
      • Libya
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Posts
    249
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: Your thoughts about translated piece of poetry...

    The original is in Arabic language and it's not mine. I'm doing some exercise on poetry translation and in fact I used to post here and some members including "Raymott" used to help me here. IMO that forum is for sharing poetry not for help editing and giving advice.

  4. #4
    BobK's Avatar
    BobK is offline Harmless drudge
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • English Teacher
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • UK
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    15,574
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: Your thoughts about translated piece of poetry...

    Fine. I just thought more people might see it there; but if you've done it here before, carry on...

    b

  5. #5
    easybreakable's Avatar
    easybreakable is offline Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Academic
      • Native Language:
      • Arabic
      • Home Country:
      • Libya
      • Current Location:
      • Libya
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Posts
    249
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: Your thoughts about translated piece of poetry...

    ?!

  6. #6
    easybreakable's Avatar
    easybreakable is offline Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Academic
      • Native Language:
      • Arabic
      • Home Country:
      • Libya
      • Current Location:
      • Libya
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Posts
    249
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: Your thoughts about translated piece of poetry...

    Thank you very much, I appreciate your help. If you don't mind me asking, as a native speaker does the poem in English make a sense to you?!

Similar Threads

  1. Translated poem, thoughts?
    By easybreakable in forum Literature
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 02-Oct-2010, 19:49
  2. Translated concepts
    By chester_100 in forum General Language Discussions
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 17-Apr-2008, 05:04
  3. transliteration of poetry through poetry
    By Anonymous in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 21-Jun-2004, 00:28

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •