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  1. easybreakable's Avatar
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    #1

    Lightbulb Your thoughts about translated piece of poetry...

    I'd like to hear from you regarding this, I can't say I'm satisfied with some word choices and I feel something wrong with the grammars.

    I recall my days with you

    I recall my days with you
    like someone sees things through the window of a fast train:
    deserted and beautiful
    impossible to grasp...

    From time to another
    let's be children again
    let's grieve without false pride

    The day I die
    I will think about that bright moment
    when we stood in the darkness
    on the porch of decision
    You said hatefully: "I love you"
    I will remember your voice

    and death comes pleasantly
    will hold me like a womb of forgotten joy
    and I will whisper in a similar hatred:

    oh how much I loved you.


  2. BobK's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Your thoughts about translated piece of poetry...

    What is the original? If the original is yours, perhaps this would a more fruitful place to discuss it.

    b

  3. easybreakable's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: Your thoughts about translated piece of poetry...

    The original is in Arabic language and it's not mine. I'm doing some exercise on poetry translation and in fact I used to post here and some members including "Raymott" used to help me here. IMO that forum is for sharing poetry not for help editing and giving advice.

  4. BobK's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: Your thoughts about translated piece of poetry...

    Fine. I just thought more people might see it there; but if you've done it here before, carry on...

    b

  5. easybreakable's Avatar
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    #5

    Re: Your thoughts about translated piece of poetry...

    ?!

  6. easybreakable's Avatar
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    #6

    Re: Your thoughts about translated piece of poetry...

    Thank you very much, I appreciate your help. If you don't mind me asking, as a native speaker does the poem in English make a sense to you?!

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