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Thread: Repetition?

  1. #1
    HanibalII is offline Member
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    Repetition?

    Hey all, another query.

    I'm not sure whether this sentence is correct.

    It sounds a little like repetition.

    "A group of people approached his house, but they stood in their group whispering in hushed voices."



    Cheers

  2. #2
    emsr2d2's Avatar
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    Re: Repetition?

    Quote Originally Posted by HanibalII View Post
    Hey all, another query.

    I'm not sure whether this sentence is correct.

    It sounds a little like repetition.

    "A group of people approached his house, but they stood in their group whispering in hushed voices."



    Cheers
    You can remove the repetitive parts and the meaning is unchanged.
    Remember - correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing make posts much easier to read.

  3. #3
    HanibalII is offline Member
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    Re: Repetition?

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    You can remove the repetitive parts and the meaning is unchanged.
    Cool. I just didnt know whether it'd be the same. Trying to cut down words.

    :)

  4. #4
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    Re: Repetition?

    If you're trying to cut it down even further then you could use "A group approached his house and stood whispering".

    There was certainly no need for "whispering in hushed voices" as we generally don't whisper any other way. You have used "talking in hushed voices" although that can just be speaking at a very low volume, not necessarily whispering.
    Remember - correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing make posts much easier to read.

  5. #5
    HanibalII is offline Member
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    Re: Repetition?

    And which do you think has a more conspiratorial connotation?

  6. #6
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    Re: Repetition?

    Quote Originally Posted by HanibalII View Post
    And which do you think has a more conspiratorial connotation?
    Hey, if this is your short story homework assignment, Haniballl, there's a limit to how much we can write and edit it for you.
    Your teacher wants to know what you can do.
    Once you've submitted it and received your mark with your teacher's feedback, you can post the whole thing here for criticism if you wish.

  7. #7
    HanibalII is offline Member
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    Re: Repetition?

    Quote Originally Posted by Raymott View Post
    Hey, if this is your short story homework assignment, Haniballl, there's a limit to how much we can write and edit it for you.
    Your teacher wants to know what you can do.
    Once you've submitted it and received your mark with your teacher's feedback, you can post the whole thing here for criticism if you wish.

    Bahaha. Ya got me! :D Still, I didn't think it would've been too much. I'm really only looking for ways to shorten it.

  8. #8
    emsr2d2's Avatar
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    Re: Repetition?

    I was wondering why you wanted to shorten a sentence if you were simply practicing your English. I echo Raymott's request - write it how YOU write it, submit it, and then let us know if your teacher has marked anything incorrect or which could be improved but you don't understand why.
    Remember - correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing make posts much easier to read.

  9. #9
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    Re: Repetition?

    Quote Originally Posted by HanibalII View Post
    Bahaha. Ya got me! :D Still, I didn't think it would've been too much. I'm really only looking for ways to shorten it.
    Hi,

    Please keep in mind that there are many members/posters who are not native speakers of English. Therefore, please refrain from using nonsatndard forms like "ya" as much as possible, since they might confuse them.

    Thank you.

    charliedeut
    Please be aware that I'm neither a native English speaker nor a teacher.

  10. #10
    Rover_KE is offline Moderator
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    Re: Repetition?

    @HanibalII.

    Now that you have tricked us into doing your homework for you, any future questions from you will be treated with suspicion and are likely to be deleted.

    Rover

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