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  1. #1
    dhvh is offline Newbie
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    Post Please help me with my TOEFL-ibt writing

    Hi!
    I would be grateful if you could pleased check my TOEFL writing.

    TOPIC: Agree or disagree: Success is based more on luck than hard work.

    Those who cherish Edison’s saying “genius is ten percent inspiration, ninety percent perspiration” would disagree that luck is the crucial factor of success. As one of such supporters, I have firm beliefs that everything yields to diligence. Though luck is most likely a determining factor of any easy achievement, it is diligence that makes a man truly successful.

    History has proved that many successes are achieved by luck. For instance, Archimedes luckily figured out the upward force while bathing or Isaac Newton accidentally learned about the universal gravitation from a falling apple. During daily life, men win facile victories by a stroke of fortune. Many have claimed that only a little luck is needed to ease their difficulties and/ or to reach their target at work, at school or in life. Consequently, luck aids greatly in significant accomplishments.

    Luck is, however, not that decisive for any success; diligence is. Though Archimedes knew about the upward force by chance, he still spent a great deal of time on researching to conclude the well-known Archimedes’ principle. Or assiduousness is attributed to the discovery of Newton’s law of gravity and his other remarkable inventions alike. Such examples show that only attempts and hard work help men to succeed. Besides, such triumph is yielded from effort and capacity, which ensure the victory glorious and just. In other words, should a man wants to be successful, he had better work hard rather expecting for good fortune.
    In short, working hard is more important than luck in achieving success. Though luck is necessary to free people from hardship and to bring more opportunity, only hard working and efforts make a man crowned with success.

  2. #2
    bgonso is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: Please help me with my TOEFL-ibt writing

    Hi dhvh,

    I made corrections to your document.

    Success is based more on luck than hard work

    Those who cherish Edison’s saying “genius is ten percent inspiration, ninety percent perspiration” would disagree that luck is the crucial factor of success. As one of such supporters, I firmly believe that everything yields to diligence. Though luck is most likely a determining factor of any easy achievement, it is diligence that makes a man truly successful.

    History has proven that many accomplishments were achieved by luck. For instance, Archimedes , by chance, figured out upward force while bathing and Isaac Newton accidentally learned about universal gravitation from a falling apple. During everyday life, men win simple victories by a stroke of fortune. Many have claimed that only a little luck is needed to ease their difficulties and/ or to reach their target at work, at school or in life. Consequently, luck aids greatly in significant accomplishments.

    Luck is, however, not the decisive factor of success; diligence is. Though Archimedes found out about upward force by chance, he still spent a great deal of time researching in order to conclude the well-known Archimedes’ principle. Assiduousness is attributed to the discovery of Newton’s law of gravity and his other remarkable inventions alike. Such examples show that only persistence and hard work help people to succeed. In other words, to be successful, it is better to work hard rather than wait for good fortune.

    In short, working hard is more important than luck in achieving success. Though luck is necessary to free people from hardship and to bring more opportunity, only through diligence and hard work can you earn success.



    I attached the document as well.

    - Brook
    Attached Files Attached Files

  3. #3
    dhvh is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: Please help me with my TOEFL-ibt writing

    Quote Originally Posted by bgonso View Post
    Hi dhvh,

    I made corrections to your document.

    I attached the document as well.

    - Brook
    Thank you so much, Brook.
    I will look at your revision closely and work on modification. I have to work harder before the coming test this October :)
    Last edited by dhvh; 25-Jul-2012 at 02:18.

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