The following paragraph is a part of my application letter. It has been commented by two interviewers. Up to this moment, I cannot find the problem from where. Have anyone help me?
"For the whole, I enclosed herewith my resume for your kind consideration and I hope my solid experience would properly help myself to develop my career in this field. I would like to success your business if future great cooperation can be achieved. I look forward to being granted an interview, when I shall be glad to explain myself to you more detail. "
For the whole- the expression would be 'on the whole', but it doesn't fit here
I enclosed- I enclose
my solid experience would properly help myself to develop- my experience will help me develop (however, this doesn't fit in the context of an application)
I would like to success your business- success is a noun- I would like to contribute to your...
if future great cooperation can be achieved- delete the lot
when I shall be glad to explain myself to you more detail.- I'd say something like I am aailable for interview at your convenience. Should you require any further information... Thanking you in advance, I look forward to hearing from you