i need help with a letter that will be sending to a university (urgent)

[thessanana]

hey guys do u mind helping me to edit this letter that i will be sending to my university? i know thats is a lots of error in it.. so don't ming changing or modifying it into a micer one. i just want to thanks you guys in advance

Dear sir/mdm,


I am writing this letter sincerely hoping that you would consider accepting me into your university.

I have just completed my courses in National diploma for business management. I secured my final grade as ABB
Unfortunately the requirement is AAB but I would still hope that your university would reconsider accepting me after reading my reasons.


During my first year in my college, I have received 4merits and 5 passes for my result. As an international student I have just came to United kingdom to complete my studies, and therefore my command of English is not that grade and it has pull my result down. During my second year I put in extra afford in studying in order to improve my grades, in the end I have receive 6 distinctions and 3 pass. Even though I have score well for my second year but due to the result that I have gotten in my first year, my overall result was pull back.


I promised with all my heart and all my soul that I will continue to improve in my academic result. So please accept me into your university.


Yours sincerely


Serena

 

[billmcd]

First things first. Can you explain why you list your Native Language as English and Home Country as the UK? Your letter would seem to contradict that identification.

 

[thessanana]

cause i was born in uk... but i move to hong kong when iwas young... even though i learn english as my first language here,,, but the english standard is still poor... i then move back to uk to study two years ago

 

[billmcd]

cause i was born in uk... but i move to hong kong when iwas young... even though i learn english as my first language here,,, but the english standard is still poor... i then move back to uk to study two years ago

Unfortunately, based on your response and your draft letter, and in both, your grammar and spelling need substantial improvement, particularly for a person interested in enrolling at an English-speaking university. Even though you seem intent on moving ahead with your career as quickly as possible, I would recommend that you enroll first in an intermediate English course, speak with your instructor, show him/her your draft letter to demonstrate where you need improvement, concentrate on those areas, improve and then proceed with pursuing your goals.