Please, check my sentences! THANK YOU!

[wishsuccess4u]

Please, are my sentences OK? Thank YOU!

"We'd love, absolutely adore offering you our free 60-second voiceover gift and branding you as a recognized expert in your industry!
We guarantee quality - see for yourself!
If you like our gift, then we're hoping we'll have the opportunity to care about you and record a lot of voiceovers!
This is mywebsite.com, & we have some of the best rates in the industry - only $17/m for voiceovers longer than 15 minutes, and $27/m for voiceovers up to 15 minutes"





Thank You For Your Time! :-D

 

[Barb_D]

Unless you are also branding experts, your first sentence greatly oversells your services. A person can give you a bad script which you can record beautifully and it won't make them market leaders.

 

[wishsuccess4u]

thank You, Barb_D!
it was helpful

I wish You a Great Success! :-D

 

[Academic Writing]

Re: Please, are my sentences OK? Thank YOU!

I agree with Barb. Also, I see that you have prices that are common to Internet marketing in general and the Warrior Forum in particular. A lot of people there use ridiculously overhyped language (just my opinion, but a quick survey of the WSOs at any given moment pretty much shows this). Such language can be a real turnoff for buyers, not just in the field of IM but also in general. Keep your audience in mind as well. If they've been surfing through WSOs and related products and services on other sites for a while, they've already probably seen and purchased products and/or services that did not live up to the sales pitch.

Confidence is great of course; I'd just keep it in check (I have always found that honesty sells, and it also helps build your business). Below is one idea for a pitch. These are just suggestions and certainly please modify them to meet your needs; there are a ton of possibilities here.

"We offer quality voice-over services to help brand you as an expert in your field.

So that you can judge the quality of our work for yourself, please accept a free 60-second voice over, customized exactly as you need it.

We are confident that you will love our work, and we'd be happy to work with you as your business grows. At mywebsite, we offer some of the best rates in the industry--just $17/minute for voice overs over 15 minutes and $27/minute for voice overs up to 15 minutes."

A final note is that you might want to intentionally spell "voiceover" in the way that most people search for it (voice over, voice-over, or voiceover) if you think that will help your SEO. I get 22,000 global exact matches for the first two options (22k each) in Google's keyword tool and 9,900 global exacth matches for "voiceover" as a closed term. Not sure about the long-tail keywords that you might be targeting if any.

Hope that helps and good luck with your service!

 

[wishsuccess4u]

Re: Please, are my sentences OK? Thank YOU!

thank You, Academic Writing!
it was really helpful!

I wish You a Great Success :-D