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  1. #1
    giovani is offline Newbie
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    Red face Please help me correct the essay for applying a scholarship

    Hi there,
    I would like to ask for your help. I want to apply a scholarship that can make me go to USA college.
    Here's the directions of the essay :

    Personal Statementó350 Ė 500 words
    Please describe yourself and write a clear and detailed description of your academic objectives and the reasons why you wish to pursue them in the USA. Discuss your goals both in terms of your field of study and your own personal development. Describe the type of program you wish to pursue in the USA and how it relates to your academic background and interests and your objectives for the future. The essay is an essential part of the selection process and of your application for placement into an appropriate program. Be sure to include any details that highlight your personality and individuality.Please describe yourself and write a clear and detailed description of your academic objectives and the reasons why you wish to pursue them in the USA. Discuss your goals both in terms of your field of study and your own personal development. Describe the type of program you wish to pursue in the USA and how it relates to your academic background and interests and your objectives for the future. The essay is an essential part of the selection process and of your application for placement into an appropriate program. Be sure to include any details that highlight your personality and individuality.

    I have written my essay but please don't laugh at it because i'm not good in writing. Here's my essay. It contains short story from my personal life. Please criticize and correct it. Thank you.

    It took almost nineteen years to become who I am today. Now you can see me as an independent, open-minded, and friendly girl who has lot of dreams that need to be achieved. I eager to learn new things and good at keep up with it since I am kind of diligent person. It is fine for me to experience new culture with strange people since I had a step mother and have to adapt with her whole new family. I am also good at my college although I come from the outskirt of town and have to make friends with the people from the town.

    If weíre talking about the future, I would like to be a great public relations practitioner. Thatís why I took PR as my minor. I can say that I love this new world and would like to be an expert in the world I loved. Two things that I wish to do with my expertise are helping the dying museum and the fast-growing start-ups in Indonesia. After graduated from university, I want to work in education and culture ministry so I could make a good program to fix the museum in Indonesia. When I think the task is done then I will build my own PR agency to help the start-ups branding and building the relationship with their stakeholders so that they can make their way to the global market. Because I have those big dreams, I have to work harder to have the added value and sharpen my skill on PR field than any other communication students.

    Why USA? Itís clear that source of the communication studies are in USA. To be a great PR, I have to know about the technologies too and US is the best place to learn and adapt with it. All the great social media comes from US. Besides, all my text books published and written by communication professors from this country. So I have no doubt to chase my dream to this big apple. In this country, I want to take Public Relations major. Not only just a major but a major that offers comprehensive writing course and PR club or something that can be used to train my skill. I wish I could take full-year academic experience in US college especially in Boston University. It has really cool PR major.

    One thing that connects all my reason to apply this scholarship is public relations and experience. Iím sure living in a whole different country can make me more independent, help me gain insight from cultural differences and expand my networking. At last, I can cherish all the differences among people in the world and apply that difference in my work.

    Thank you for helping me out

  2. #2
    keannu's Avatar
    keannu is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: Please help me correct the essay for applying a scholarship

    Not a teacher

    I'm sorry to tell you this. Most of the teachers and members here wouldn't like to respond such a long text like this as it's time-consuming and kind of annoying. If you split it into a few segments and asked again, it will attract more response.

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