can i get band 8 for this essay in general ielts

[tanya112]

could someone please check my essay for general ielts and tell me how much i could get for this essay.


Television has the biggest impact on our life because it is the most popular way of getting information. Do you agree or disagree?


In today’s modern world, television is an essential part of everyday life. Around the globe, people often use television for a wide variety of purposes including education, getting information and entertainment. Although it is important for people to participate in a variety of well-balanced activities, in my opinion, people who watch television daily are actually gaining more knowledge and critical skills for future success. The bases for my views are personal and academic.

From a personal point of view, television is an invaluable resource to help people explore the world around them. For example, people who watch various programs to satisfy their curiosity about diverse topics are already becoming individual learners. No person with a television is ever bored. When compared to newspapers, as television publishes news on the spot, it is the most reliable and efficient way of receiving information. By starting to watch important programs early in lives, people gain massive knowledge about the world. They are also able to take advantage of the wide range of services the television provides.

From an academic viewpoint, people have no choice but to master this technological invention. For instance, when I was in university, most of the students used to watch educational and scientific programs on a daily basis. These students had a vast knowledge about different topics which was valuable when doing assignments and research. People who gain early general knowledge in these diverse topics by watching television are at a distinct advantage over those who have not. Consequently, parents who encourage their children to watch educational and other knowledge gaining programs are in fact investing in the child’s future career.

In conclusion, there is no doubt that the television as a technological tool is here to stay. The sooner people watch television, the better for many aspects of their future life.

 

[Gillnetter]

could someone please check my essay for general ielts and tell me how much i could get for this essay.
It is required that you: capitalize "Could, IELTS, and I.

Television has the biggest impact on our life because it is the most popular way of getting information. Do you agree or disagree?


In today’s modern world, television is an essential part of everyday life. Around the globe, people often use television for a wide variety of purposes including education, getting information and entertainment. Although it is important for people to participate in a variety of well-balanced activities, in my opinion, people who watch television daily are actually gaining more knowledge and critical skills for future success. The [STRIKE]bases [/STRIKE] basis for my views are personal and academic. (Of course this is your opinion, you wrote it)

From a personal point of view, television is an invaluable resource to help people explore the world around them. For example, people who watch various programs to satisfy their curiosity about diverse topics are already becoming individual learners. No person with a television is ever bored (Indeed?). When compared to newspapers, [STRIKE]as [/STRIKE]television [STRIKE]publishes [/STRIKE] (To publish is to print) reports news on the spot, it is the most reliable and efficient way of receiving information. By starting to watch important programs early in their lives, people gain massive knowledge about the world. They are also able to take advantage of the wide range of services the television provides (And...what services might these be?).

From an academic viewpoint, people have no choice but to master this technological invention (What does this mean? How does one "master" a television?). For instance, when I was in university, most of the students used to watch educational and scientific programs on a daily basis. These students had a vast knowledge about different topics which was valuable when doing assignments and research. People who gain early general knowledge in [STRIKE]these [/STRIKE]diverse topics by watching television are at a distinct advantage over those who have not. Consequently, parents who encourage their children to watch educational and other knowledge gaining programs are, in fact, investing in the child’s future career.

In conclusion, there is no doubt that the television, as a technological tool, is here to stay. The sooner people watch television, the better for many aspects of their future life.

Your English is fairly good. I suggest that you research a term called "sweeping statements". You are making statements with no proof that they are true. I have underlined some of the statements which I found to need substantial evidence to prove that they are true.