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    #1

    Can this be refined?

    Hi There,

    I am involved in sales function of an organization where i am required to find reference and reach to decision maker for which i often take help of emails. Below is an email draft that i want to use to find the right contact. Please help me to re-tune it and make it more action oriented.
    -------------------------------------------
    Dear firstname,

    I trust you are well.

    I am not sure if you can help me, but I thought you could possibly point me in the right direction. Would you happen to know who in your organization is responsible for Market/Consumer Insights or Marketing Strategy specifically responsible for drawing insights on consumer behavior, Consumer types, and asset classes and for planning and executing marketing strategies?

    Im with (name of the company), and we specifically help companies to unravel the various facets of the (country's name) economy and consumers through our premium products at extremely granular levels at state, district, city, blocks and neighbourhood levels. Within the granular geographic levels, the information is further segmented by various income groups.

    Any assistance you could provide would be very graciously appreciated. Please help me to reach the right manager or suggest if I can speak to you on this.

    Warm regards
    -------------------------------
    Please help.

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    #2

    Re: Can this be refined?

    Quote Originally Posted by ashish_dixit View Post
    Hi There,

    I am involved in the sales function of an organization where I am required to find references and reach out to decision makers for which I often take help of use emails. Below is an email draft that I want to use to find the right contact. Please help me to re-tune it and make it more action oriented.
    -------------------------------------------
    Dear firstname,

    I trust you are well.

    I am not sure if you can help me, but I thought you could possibly point me in the right direction. Would you happen to know who in your organization is responsible for market/consumer Insights or marketing strategy specifically responsible for drawing insights on consumer behavior, consumer types, and asset classes and for planning and executing marketing strategies?

    Im with (name of the company), and we specifically help companies to unravel the various facets of the (country's name) economy and consumers through our premium products at extremely granular levels at state, district, city, blocks and neighbourhood levels. Within the granular geographic levels, the information is further segmented by various income groups.

    Any assistance you could provide would be very graciously appreciated. Please help me to reach the right manager or suggest let me know if I can speak to you on about this.

    Warm regards


    -------------------------------
    Please help.
    I made a few corrections for your consideration. It is a cultural rather than a grammatical matter, but, if you have to introduce yourself and your company, it may be better to not use the person's first name. It seems that you wrote more information than is necessary since you do not know if the recipient is a buyer. The emphasis should be on finding the person in charge of marketing, not on explaining what your company does.

  1. Academic Writing's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: Can this be refined?

    Adding to what Gil said, I would not say "I trust you are well." At least, if I saw that as the first line of an e-mail from someone I did not know, it would sound strange to me. I would delete that phrase and just go right into your e-mail.
    SeriousScholar.com

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    #4

    Re: Can this be refined?

    Thank you Gillnetter and Academic Writing for the help. What I have realized that, I have made some silly mistake that I could have corrected while giving a second glance to what I am writing. I will keep the suggestion in mind.

    Thank you again.
    (I hope I have not made a lot of mistake in this paragraph)

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