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    #1

    Reduce redundancy

    Can you please me help me to reduce the redundancy from this sentence:
    "The main reason that leads me to believe that I can make a decisive contribution "

  1. Barb_D's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Reduce redundancy

    It's not a sentence. What is that main reason?
    It's also not redundant; it's just wordy.

    Write the entire sentence and then we'll see. Maybe whatever that
    main reason is can be the subject of a more concise sentence.
    I'm not a teacher, but I write for a living. Please don't ask me about 2nd conditionals, but I'm a safe bet for what reads well in (American) English.

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    #3

    Re: Reduce redundancy

    Hi Bard_D you are absolutely write on your comments. I am just writing a Cover Letter and I feel extremely uncomfortable with its structure.
    The full sentence is: "The main reason that leads me to believe that I can make a decisive contribution to this department is both my working experience in a relevant sector and my rich academic record".

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    #4

    Re: Reduce redundancy

    "The main reason that leads me to believe that I can make a decisive contribution" could be written:
    the main reason leading me to believe is (that) i can make a decisive contribution

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    #5

    Re: Reduce redundancy

    Quote Originally Posted by thantoni View Post
    Hi Bard_D you are absolutely write on your comments. I am just writing a Cover Letter and I feel extremely uncomfortable with its structure.
    The full sentence is: "The main reason that leads me to believe that I can make a decisive contribution to this department is both my working experience in a relevant sector and my rich academic record".
    Haven't you given two reasons there?

    How about:

    I believe that I can make a decisive contribution to this department because...

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    #6

    Re: Reduce redundancy

    Quote Originally Posted by blackdragon View Post
    "The main reason that leads me to believe that I can make a decisive contribution" could be written:
    the main reason leading me to believe is (that) i can make a decisive contribution
    This is not possible.

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    #7

    Re: Reduce redundancy

    Thank you Tdol. You are absolutly right.
    I have changed this sentence so many times that at the end I don't even remember what I wrote.

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    #8

    Re: Reduce redundancy

    Quote Originally Posted by blackdragon View Post
    "The main reason that leads me to believe that I can make a decisive contribution" could be written:
    "The main reason leading me to believe is (that) I can make a decisive contribution."
    It's still wrong – even with my corrections.

    Please read this extract from the forum's Posting Guidelines, blackdragon:

    You are welcome to answer questions posted in the Ask a Teacher forum as long as your suggestions, help, and advice reflect a good understanding of the English language. If you are not a teacher, you will need to state that clearly at the top of your post.

    Rover

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    #9

    Re: Reduce redundancy

    not a teacher

    I prefer the following adjectives:

    decisive contribution - positive contribution.
    rich academic record - good/strong academic record

    How about making it simple:
    With my experience (which is relevant to the position) and good academic record, I believe I can make a positive contribution to the department.

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