I'm 24 and am in my first semester of college ever. Im terrified at how horrible my paragraph may be. I read it in front of my class and the professor glanced over it and crushed me. The worst part is... I thought it was good :-/ please help me understand what I've done wrong. Its supposed to be a descriptive paragraph on my Shan-gri-la or utopia.
I imagine walking through a forest of living, thriving trees and coming upon a clearing which has a radius of 500 feet, this is where my Shan-gri-la lies. Thereís grass that seems to be cut to a precise 12 inches long, as though a cable is set to zip across if even one blade dares to defy the strict length. The calm wind is all I can hear, swooping over the tree tops to stir the perfect vegetation, yet sound from neither bird nor insect is heard, for this area is too sacred for even them. I feel the breeze moving the hairs on my arms, as well as the grass tickling the backs of my calves, like a friend attempting to help me feel welcomed. Itís difficult to place this smell, perhaps because Iíve never encountered the smell of purity before, but I do believe itís exactly what Iím encountering now. The freedom is electrifying here; I absolutely love it.