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  1. Anonymous
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    #1

    Could you give me your feed back ?

    I would be very ggrateful if you answered the following questions ABOUT MY ESSAY :What is the most interesting part of the essay? Is the essay organized logically ? I am glad to have your suggestions on anything from ideas,structure, grammar, word choice ,etc . Finally , can you help me pinpoint the ungrammatical sentences,plz? :wink:



    Discovering the Truth about Clay



    Clay was a great boxer. It is important to know about this champion’s life because you will both learn and enjoy from reading this essay. I will bring out the truth about Clay by considering his background, some fascinating instances of his life, personality, bizarre appetite, career, peaceful nature, and his conversion to Islam.

    It is important to give a general idea of Ali’s background. His name was Cassius Clay before he changed it to Muhammad Ali. He lived in Louisville, the United States. He is famous because of his many victories in boxing. However, he was not enthusiastic about education. Moreover, he retired in 1981. He is suffering from Parkinson's disease.

    To begin with, it is good to show Short sketches of Ali’s life. To a simple person, his refusal of flying by an airplane was a strange action from a hero like Clay. However, what he did is predictable for a psychoanalyst because there people who became champions simply because they are afraid of being beaten up by somebody. Although he was a great boxer, he refused to fly to the Olympics in Rome. He finally agreed to board the airplane, after long-held discussions and debates with him. Nevertheless, he wore a parachute in case there would be a technical failure .This was one interesting event in his life.

    During his education, he wrote a paper about “Black Muslims”, specifically when he was in Central High School, upon which his teacher said she would fail him. This event transpired in 1950 when African Americans were not called ‘black’ yet. His teacher, being a Christian, was not going to pass him. At the end, the principal, Mr. Wilson, and another teacher talked to her about allowing him to take the exam. Then, she agreed. Consequently, it was resolved peacefully. I thought he would deal some heavy blows to her head.

    Ali was very shy and religious. He was obsessed with the Bible. One day, he and his classmates were going on an excursion. According to the driver’s narration, he was sitting at the back of the bus and reading the Bible. Moreover, he was always shy especially with girls. It was said that he fell unconscious from his earliest kiss to a girl.

    Ali had a peculiar appetite. His favorite meals and diets were raw eggs and milk. He was fond of drinking water with garlic in it. He has never smoked. Actually, he hated smoking because he wanted to have a healthy, powerful body. He abstained from drinking soda pop because he thought it was very harmful. Those were his delicious drinks and meals.

    The story of his career was startling. His bicycle was stolen. Consequently, he wanted to inform the police. He saw a cop, who was Officer Joe Martin, the boxing coach at the Columbia Gym in the Service Club basement and said ‘he would whip’ the stealer, whereupon he was introduced to his first trainer.

    His achievements are many. He was victorious in 100 out of 108 boxing matches. He achieves consecutive national titles in Golden Gloves Competition and an Olympic golden medal. He was given an honorary doctorate by Kentucky State University on its graduation ceremony. Those are some examples of his success.
    Ali has a peaceful nature. His attitude toward the Vietnam War and the Iraq War is evidence. He refused to join the army to fight Vietnamese saying, “I had no quarrel with Vietcong .” In fact, he lost his title and he was about to be put in jail because of his negative response. Furthermore, he was very sad because of the Iraq War. His wife said that he is worried “about the deaths of innocent Iraqis, as well as U.S. soldiers killed and captured in the war.” Although he is very strong and tough, he has a kind heart.
    Ali joined the Nation of Islam in the 1960s because of problems over race. There was racial discrimination during that time, which was one of the reasons that lead to his conversion to Islam. The violence of Vietnam War was another cause. Upon converting to Islam, Clay changed his name to Mohammed Ali. These are the reasons for Ali’s conversion to Islam.
    Over all, we know that Ali has had a life that was full of amazing events. By studying his personality and tracing the stories told about him we discovered that he is a heroic, daring fellow.


    References :
    1- Champ won't take sides in war with Iraq , By Chris Kenning, Wednesday, March 26, 2003 >http://www.courier-journal.com/local...387500.htm<
    2- Louisville remembers the shy kid from Central High, By HUNT HELM, The Courier-Journal, Sept. 14, 1997 >http://www.courier-journal.com/ali/t...ssius.html<

  2. RonBee's Avatar
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    #2
    The title is a strange one as he is better known as Muhammad Ali. Too many of the sentences are non sequiturs.

    There are a couple of interesting tidbits of information about the man that I did not know previously.

    I will perhaps give a more detailed commentary later.

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    #3

    Re: Could you give me your feed back ?

    Discovering the Truth about Clay



    Clay was a great boxer. It is important to know about this champion’s life because you will both learn and enjoy from reading this essay. I will bring out the truth about Clay by considering his background, some fascinating instances of his life, personality, bizarre appetite, career, peaceful nature, and his conversion to Islam.
    • Muhammad Ali

      Muhammad Ali was a great boxer. One of the greatest world champions ever, he had a worldwide reputation and a fascinating career. In this essay I will discuss his background, some fascinating instances of his life, his personality, his bizarre appetite, his career, his peaceful nature, and his conversion to Islam.


    Also, you might want to include the word charismatic in there somewhere. :wink:

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    #4

    Re: Could you give me your feed back ?

    It is important to give a general idea of Ali’s background. His name was Cassius Clay before he changed it to Muhammad Ali. He lived in Louisville, the United States. He is famous because of his many victories in boxing. However, he was not enthusiastic about education. Moreover, he retired in 1981. He is suffering from Parkinson's disease.
    That paragraph is a jumble. Try:

    • He was born Cassius Clay in Louisville, Kentucky (USA).


    Unfortunately, the rest does not belong in that paragraph or is not needed at all.

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