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Thread: Their

  1. #1
    KSSEEJ is offline Junior Member
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    Default Their

    Stronger deterrent effects can be offered against cases of indecent assaults including filming up woman skirts and showing private part of body in public area. Currently, these cases are merely classified as minor indecent assaults and their offenders could only be convicted of “Loitering” or “Disorderly Conduct”.

    Isthe pronoun "their" properly usedin the sentence, should it be replaced by "these"?

  2. #2
    BobK's Avatar
    BobK is offline Harmless drudge
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    Default Re: Their

    No and no. |The whole thing's just badly written. Ripping it up and starting again is the only solution. )

    b

  3. #3
    KSSEEJ is offline Junior Member
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    Default Re: Their

    Thanks so much, I have rewritten the sentences it in the following way, is it better?

    Stronger deterrent effects can be imposed on sex offenders filming up woman skirts and showing private body parts in public area. Currently, these offences are not considered serious in nature and the offenders committing them would only be convicted of “Loitering” or “Disorderly Conduct”.

  4. #4
    Rover_KE is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: Their

    Yes, it is.

    (Note: '...in a public area' or '...in public areas' or just '...in public'.)

    Rover

  5. #5
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    Default Re: Their

    It's much better. Well done

    I'm not happy about 'deterrent effects' though. People impose stronger deterrents, and hope they will have a stronger effect; their deterrent effect should be stronger. That is, either the effect or the deterrent is stronger. Nobody imposes an effect (except in the rarefied context of photo- and audio-editing).

    b

  6. #6
    emsr2d2's Avatar
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    Default Re: Their

    "Showing private body parts in public areas" sounds to me like someone has somehow obtained parts of a dead body and is showing them off to the public. I know what you mean but I don't think this wording really reflects what happens. In BrE, this offence is called "flashing" or "indecent exposure". However, if those particular phrases will not be understood by your readers then I would go with something like "exposing their private parts in public". "Private parts" is a commonly understood term for the genitals.
    Remember - correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing make posts much easier to read.

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