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  1. #1
    yeecharles is offline Junior Member
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    Default Can you Proofread my essay?Title: Facebook

    I wrote an essay on facebook. Please imrove my use of grammar and vocabulary. Thanks in advance.

    Facebook, a social website founded by Mark Zuckerberg, is now very popular among students and adults. It came into being one summer in 2004, when Mark created a website which connected the schoolmates of Harvard University. It was first known as Face Mesh. The website grew in popularity when it was open to the world. In the year of 2008, Facebook became the largest social website in the world. From 2004 to 2011, Facebook users have increased to 8 billion. Facebook has turned Mark into a billionaire, who, of late, has upgraded the social networking site with a better template for advertisements and games.


    Facebook game developer, Zynga is one of the game development companies which shares Facebook’s fortune. Zynga has developed games such as Cityville, Farmville, and Fishville. Statistics show that Zynga has made billions and billions of profit through game-cash sales on Facebook. Zynga is also one of the best game developers of Facebook. There are millions of Facebook users playing Zynga’s games every day. Zynga has always thrilled Facebook users with a new gaming experience.


    Facebook has designed a template for celebrities and artistes to keep in touch with their fans through the creation of pages. They can share the information about their work and their lives on the net. They can even share pictures to entertain their fans. Moreover, Facebook provides a function named ‘Group’ to the users. Facebook users can use this function to plan school projects, discuss academic questions and have online meetings. This function benefits a lot of users as they do not need to conduct and attend meetings beyond their homes.


    Furthermore, Facebook provides a place for users to deploy thinking and be in touch with friends. It can help users to find primary school classmates through the ‘Friend Finder’ function. Another function is it can sync all of your email contacts by just entering your email address. It will automatically search for a Facebook user with reference to his or her email address. This function helps to reunite separated workmates and schoolmates.


    Last but not least, Facebook provides a career opportunity for application developers. They can earn money by uploading their applications to Facebook and opening them to other users so that they can rate the applications based on their popularity and usefulness. Facebook has helped a lot of the users to earn money easily online. Application developers can also advertise their works on Facebook so the other users can use the applications and share them among themselves.


    In a nutshell, Facebook has turned a lot of people into millionaires. Facebook will continue to provide good templates for advertisements and if it is used in a proper way, even children will be encouraged to have one Facebook account.

  2. #2
    Gillnetter is offline Key Member
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    Default Re: Can you Proofread my essay?Title: Facebook

    Quote Originally Posted by yeecharles View Post
    I wrote an essay on Facebook. Please imrove improve my use of grammar and vocabulary. Thanks in advance.

    Facebook, a social website founded by Mark Zuckerberg, is now very popular among students and adults (1). It came into being one summer in 2004, when Mark created a website which connected the schoolmates of Harvard University. It was first known as Face Mesh. The website grew in popularity when it was open to the world. In the year of 2008, Facebook became the largest social website in the world. From 2004 to 2011, Facebook users have increasedto 8 billion. Facebook has turned Mark into a billionaire, who, of late, has upgraded the social networking site with a better template for advertisements and games.
    (1) Students can also be adults. If your comparison is based on age, then use young people or youngsters.


    Facebook game developer, Zynga is one of the game development companies which shares Facebook’s fortune. Zynga has developed games such as Cityville, Farmville, and Fishville. Statistics show that Zynga has made billions and billions of profit through game-cash(2) sales on Facebook. Zynga is also one of the best game developers of Facebook. There are millions of Facebook users playing Zynga’s games every day. Zynga has always thrilled Facebook users with a new gaming experience.
    (2) Cash sales means that someone paid in currency. These type of sales are almost always done by credit card, not by cash.


    Facebook has designed a template for celebrities and artistes artists to keep in touch with their fans through the creation of pages. They can share the information about their work and their lives on the net. They can even share pictures to entertain their fans. Moreover, Facebook provides a function named ‘Group’ to the users. Facebook users can use this function to plan school projects, discuss academic questions and have online meetings. This function benefits a lot of users as they do not need to conduct and attend meetings beyond their homes.


    Furthermore, Facebook provides a place for users to deploy thinking (3) and be in touch with friends. It can help users to find primary school classmates through the ‘Friend Finder’ function. Another function is it can sync all of your email contacts by just entering your email address. It will automatically search for a Facebook user with reference to his or her email address. This function helps to reunite separated workmates and schoolmates.
    (3) What does "deploy thinking" mean?


    Last but not least, Facebook provides a career (4) opportunity for application developers. They can earn money by uploading their applications to Facebook and opening them to other users so that they can rate the applications based on their popularity and usefulness. Facebook has helped a lot of the users to earn money easily (5) online. Application developers can also advertise their works on Facebook so the other users can use the applications and share them among themselves.
    (4) Career means a long term job situation. I believe that a person can make some money developing applications for Facebook, but this type of work does not really fall into the category of being a career.
    (5) I doubt that developing software applications is easy.


    In a nutshell, Facebook has turned a lot of people into millionaires. Facebook will continue to provide good templates for advertisements and, if it is used in a proper way, even children will be encouraged to have one a Facebook account.
    Gil

  3. #3
    yeecharles is offline Junior Member
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    Default Re: Can you Proofread my essay?Title: Facebook

    Thanks for editing my work.

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