Could you please review my UNC supplement essay and mention ways to improve it? Thank you.
You just put a message in a bottle and threw the bottle out to sea. What is the message?
Dear Finder of this Message,
You might be wondering that it must have been the work of fate that you received this mysterious message in a bottle. The truth is that fate is a funny thing, whether you believe in it or not. Some say your fate is inevitable and that it is difficult or in extreme cases impossible for us to defy it at all. However, I believe that there is no such thing as fate. It’s amazing how we as individuals can get so wrapped up with the happenings of our life that we fail to look at the bigger picture. I admit there were times in my life that I blamed my short-comings on my situation or rather my “fate” while stating that it was beyond my control to have prevented them. I realize now that the ability to change my destiny lies in my hands and my hands alone. Maybe it’s because of my inherent nature of being fiercely independent but I hate to believe that any external force dictates my life.
Being a high school senior, I am grateful that my life, so far has been made comfortably easy while I look around to see others less fortunate miss out on the opportunities that I have been given. This gives me the responsibility to use those opportunities wisely to help make a change. I do believe that any positive change is a significant one. I owe it to my family to take up initiative and prove my worth by becoming a well-rounded individual and making them proud. I do understand that at times my choices may be wrong but I know that I am strong enough to deal with the consequences of making a mistake because it was my mistake to make. Someone once said to me "Should you fail to pilot your own ship, don't be surprised at what inappropriate port you find yourself docked." The idea of ending up at an “inappropriate dock” only excites me further to get started in living the rest of my life according to my own terms. I do believe in second chances and I do believe that everyone has a purpose in life and because of that I know, one way or the other I will find mine. It may take me a year, it may take me 10 years, but I will get there through my own merits.
No matter what we need, desire and long for in our lives, we can have it. The gift of life is ours to take hold of. I have lived a great life and I can’t wait to continue my amazing journey as I continue to explore my prospects. Thus I am ready to take responsibility for my life and appreciate what I have achieved so far because at the end of it all, I don’t want to have any regrets.
Therefore my message to the world and to you, kind stranger is just to take charge of your life because sometimes the wrong choices take us to the right places. It is time that we learn to empower ourselves to reach our greatest potential. After all they say, “life is what you make it”, so why not make it great? And, hence finally, I am grateful for you for taking time out of your life to allow me to share my thoughts.
A Determined Soul