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  1. #1
    Bublifuk is offline Newbie
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    Default SAT essay criticism

    Hello,
    Today, I recieved the photocopy of my essay written at SAT examination. If I can ask you to evaluate the essay and point out my weaknesses, I would be very grateful for it. I recieved 6 points of 12.
    Thank you very much.

    Assignment:
    Do all people need to be creative? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.



    Essay:
    Sometimes in our life we need to devise new strategies or tactics in order to vanquish our opponents. Some people say that following the pattern is the most important thing and the others claim that being creative is the decisive factor in the competition. Everyone need to be creative.
    Firstly, in the 16th centrury Galileo Galilei, who came up with notion that Earth is not in the center of our galaxy, paid his laife for inventing that. Despite he was burned, he created something, which none would think about. He was creative. He asked question about problems which was considered to be settled. However, his notion was praised 100 years later. Without his sense of creativity, people would still think that earth is the center of galaxy many years after.
    In addition to that, people utilize their sense of creativity every day. Even though it is incorrect, children think up way how to crack test everyday. Simply as that, they are creative. Likewise, people think up ways how to get home as fast as possible. Yesterday, I found out way to home from school, which is 20 minutes faster, after 6 years of attendance. Every day people are creative.
    To sum it up, without creativity manhood wouldn't be in situation as it is. Thanks to people who invent new notions or simply new ways of doing something we are where we are. Every people take part in process of developing.
    ...
    Mirek

  2. #2
    SoothingDave is offline VIP Member
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    Default Re: SAT essay criticism

    Galileo wasn't "burned" for his scientific work. And he was discussing the fact that the earth was not the center of the solar system, rather than the galaxy. Also, Copernicus did prior work on heliocentrism, so Galileo did not come up with the notion. So, your facts are wrong.

  3. #3
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: SAT essay criticism

    Quote Originally Posted by Bublifuk View Post
    Hello,
    Today, I recieved the a photocopy of my essay written at my SAT examination. If I can ask you to you could evaluate the essay and point out my weaknesses, I would be very grateful. for it. I received 6 points out of 12.
    Thank you very much.

    Assignment:
    Do all people need to be creative? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.



    Essay:

    Sometimes in our life we need to devise new strategies or tactics in order to vanquish (this word is rather old fashioned. "Beat" would be better.) our opponents. Some people say that following the a pattern is the most important thing and the others claim that being creative is the decisive factor in the competition. Everyone needs to be creative (is this your belief?).

    Firstly, in the 16th centrury century, Galileo Galilei, who came up with notion that Earth is not in the center of our galaxy, paid with his laife life for inventing claiming that. Despite he was burned (I don't know what you mean - Galileo wasn't burnt to death), he created something (no comma) which none no-one else would think about had thought of. He was creative. He asked questions about problems which was were considered thought to be have been settled answered. However, his notion was praised 100 years later. Without his sense of creativity, people would still think that Earth is the center of galaxy. many years after. (not required because you said "people would still think".)

    In addition to that, people utilize their sense of creativity every day. Even though it is incorrect wrong [to do so], children think up ways how to crack cheat on tests everyday every day. Simply as that, they are creative. Likewise, people think up ways how to get home as fast as possible. Yesterday, I found out a way to get home from school which is 20 minutes faster, after 6 years of attendance. Every day people are creative.
    To sum it up, without creativity manhood mankind/humankind wouldn't be in situation as it is where it is now. Thanks to people who invent think up new notions or simply new ways of doing something we are where we are. Every people Everyone takes part in the process of developing/development.
    ...
    Mirek
    See above. Note that Galileo was not executed as a heretic. He lived out the remainder of his life under house arrest.
    Remember - correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing make posts much easier to read.

  4. #4
    Bublifuk is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: SAT essay criticism

    Thank you for correcting the essay. Actually, I think the correctness of the facts is not being corrected, is it? Thus, I think the facts weren't the problem why I got scores so low, but you are right.
    Was it the grammar?

  5. #5
    emsr2d2's Avatar
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    Default Re: SAT essay criticism

    Quote Originally Posted by Bublifuk View Post
    Thank you for correcting the essay. Actually, I think the correctness of the facts is not being corrected, is it? Thus, I think the facts weren't the problem why I got scores so low, but you are right.
    Was it the grammar?
    As you will have seen, I did not correct any facts except for the one about Galileo being burnt. Everything else I changed in red was a grammar, punctuation, capitalisation, spelling or syntax error. You will have lost marks for each and every one of those errors.
    Remember - correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing make posts much easier to read.

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