Results 1 to 2 of 2
  1. #1
    cookolcka is offline Newbie
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Student or Learner
      • Native Language:
      • Turkmen
      • Home Country:
      • Turkmenistan
      • Current Location:
      • United States
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Posts
    1
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default There may be personal information that you want considered as part of your admissions

    There may be personalinformation that you want considered as part of your admissions application.Write an essay describing that information. You might include exceptionalhardships, challenges, or opportunities that have shaped or impacted your abilitiesor academic credentials, personal responsibilities, exceptional achievements ortalents, educational goals, or ways in which you might contribute to aninstitution committed to creating a diverse learning environment.

    When I was in high school I neverthought that I will be best friends with her. I did not hate her but I did not like her either. I never talked to her even when we met on a break time. She looked like envy person forme. After graduating from high school I never met till I was accepted to thejob in a private company as a cutter. I started to work there after three yearsafter high school. Here, I am first day in my work . Surprisingly, she was there too, she has beenworking there for three years.
    Of course I did not talk to herhere too. Only in the morning when we came to work we said to each other “Salam”, it means “Hello” and that all. She workedin another room, I worked in another room. We saw each other only when we cameto work and when we left from the work.
    One day our boss offered me to be a manager , I was happy andagreed. Then she appointed her as a an assistant of manager. So we started towork together. We worked in a same room, we started talk to each other. We startedto know each other day by day and I began to like her. We talked abouteverything about our family, about our lives, dreams, about boys even about ourproblems. We told to each other the funny stories and we could lough all daylong. We became the best friends ever. We left from work together. If she or mefinished the work before we waited to each other. Our co-workers began to envyus, everyone wanted to be like us. Our boss loved us.
    I needed about month for to preparemy documentation for enter to the university so I took about one month breakfrom the work. I did everything to enterthe university but I couldn’t . So after that I went to work there was a girlwhich worked in this company and my boss put her on my place till I came back. Istarted to think that girl wanted to take away my best from me. I started towork and on a break time she came to our room and she is talking to her andthey are laughing, I started feel like I am “the third personal”.
    After that I talked to her with myfriend about all this and she said that I am wrong. She is only just colleague for the work. But when I saw themtogether I was not myself I began get upset and I was jealous. She annoyed meand she knew about it so she did this two time against to me. Then I began to conflictwith my best friend and every time she said to me that “She wants to separate usand you doing what she wants. Do not pay attention to her and you will be thewinner.”
    One day that girl made her birthdayparty and invited all girls. I did not go to the party but I bought gift forher on the to work and I congratulated and gave her gift. And she seems happyand she invited me and my friend to her house so we had a little party. After thateverything looked like perfect but about one month later I heard that in herbirthday party she made a terrible gossip about me and made me laughing-stock frontof the guests. I was so upset and at the work on front of those girls I yelledat her about what she said and I said prove it. What you think what she did?Nothing! After that I did not talk to her. I never give anyone to embarrasse mein front of people like me. I never hurt people but this girl crossed the line.After that I began know people better. If its look beautiful and sweet in outlook that is not mean its beautiful inside.I am so thankful for this job for helping me find my best friend and get lifeexperience.
    After I got married I quit my joband moved to USA. Everybody says that “America is land of opportunities ”and I believethat one of opportunities will be mine. I loved my job so much and myco-workers but I wanted to work in a government office. To get that job I need tostudy and get high education. I like studying , I was one of the best and hardworking students in school, to get high education and get a good job is my goaltill now. I tried to enter to university in my country but I couldn’t becauseof “some rules” in education ministry. But I am not giving up , I know it willbe hard, sometimes I let myself be lazy then I am saying to myself “I have todo this because of me, because fo my family”. I and my family everyday pray fromALLAH to give me more energy to do this all, open my ways get there. Now its my real dream start to study and gethigh education diploma in one of the USA universities and I am dreaming andhoping it will be your university.





    thanks for reading
    please write what you think about this essay :)


  2. #2
    Raymott's Avatar
    Raymott is offline VIP Member
    • Member Info
      • Member Type:
      • Academic
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • Australia
      • Current Location:
      • Australia
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Posts
    19,587
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Re: There may be personal information that you want considered as part of your admiss

    It's unreadable. There are too many words without spaces between them. I know this happens with this editor when you paste stuff into it, but if you want someone to read this, you'd need to fix it.

Similar Threads

  1. Please help with my college admissions personal assessment.
    By junkmanx in forum CVs, Resumes and Applications
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 16-May-2008, 18:46
  2. Admissions XX or Admission XX?
    By gorikaz in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 22-Apr-2007, 14:59
  3. Please Revise My Admissions Essay
    By robinm in forum CVs, Resumes and Applications
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 04-Oct-2005, 21:14

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •