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  1. #1
    haha27 is offline Junior Member
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    Could you point out what I did wrong?

    Steve Jobs known as an inventor and ex-CEO of Apple first invented an ipod that had lots of functions like a calling system and a music device. It was really a sensational goods, so he earned a lot of money. After that, his successive invention made people realize the important of a creative thinking. In other words, being different from others makes us successful.


    I am not a native speaker but I want to improve English skill so please don't hegitage to point out my problems!! Thank you so much for your time and help in advance!

  2. #2
    Gillnetter is offline Key Member
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    Re: Could you point out what I did wrong?

    Quote Originally Posted by haha27 View Post
    Steve Jobs, known as an inventor and ex-CEO of Apple, first invented an the ipod that had lots of functions like a calling system and a music device. It was really a sensational goods, so he earned a lot of money. After that, his successive inventions made people realize the important of a creative thinking. In other words, being different from others makes us successful.

    The clause, "known as an inventor and ex-CEO of Apple", is extra information. The sentence could function without this clause, "Steve Jobs first invented the ipod...". When you see such a clause, set it apart from the rest of the sentence by commas. "...really a sensational goods" is not correct. You could write, "...was really a sensational product...". "...his successive invention..." means that there was only one more invention, use "inventions" to indicate that there were more than one.


    I am not a native speaker but I want to improve English skills so please don't hegitage hesitate to point out my problems!! Thank you so much for your time and help in advance!
    ,,

  3. #3
    leorcid is offline Newbie
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    Re: Could you point out what I did wrong?

    "made people realize the important of creative thinking" should have been "made people realize the importance of creative thinking" right?

  4. #4
    emsr2d2's Avatar
    emsr2d2 is offline Moderator
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    Re: Could you point out what I did wrong?

    Quote Originally Posted by leorcid View Post
    "... made people realize the important of creative thinking" should have been "... made people realize the importance of creative thinking", right?
    Yes.

    It's also written "iPod". Note the unusual use of lower case and upper case.

    iPod
    iPad
    iMac
    iTouch
    iPhone
    Remember - correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing make posts much easier to read.

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