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  1. #11
    eric2004 Guest
    Sigh, frankly, the way Sir Ronbee express the graph is very difficult for me to imitate, especially these two sentences. I don't dare to use them in my exam because I fear I will go wrong.

    No wonder some chinese students say we have different thinking ways from foreigners, and maybe we'll never be able to write a essay like one done by native speaker.

    Two Sir, there are some other sentencs I'm not sure. Pls continue to suggest and correct them.


    1, One of things that make me wonder is why those humanitarians do not share their sympathy with the victim, but with the criminal.


    2, The government may as well consider the public’s benefits as take care of convicts’. (may as well .......as ...)

    3,The issue of whether industrial skill or education contributes more to a developing country’s progress is, in my opinion, quite hard to say, because either of them can enhance the nation’s overall strength significantly.


    4,Similarly the way modernization industry originated from the Industry Revolution, human civilization has been benefited from education.

    5, Fashion, with the coming of modern time, occurs in today’s society, and meanwhile significantly affects people’s attitudes towards clothes, haircuts or even behaviors.


    6. A nation’s success not only concerns with its industrial skills but also attributes to its educational level . (Sir, I can't use "concern" well in writing, like the usage in " human beings" or "things". For example, I'm concerned with that issue, or That issue concerns (with) me?)


    7, It would be more precious if we can share our love with old memory, old things,even just occasionally.

    8. Because one has to sometimes overwork or endure the failure in competition, then a woman’s natural situation seem hardly to suit such elements of being a top manager. ( here, Sir, what words can stand for people in"a higher position" Top people, Advanced manager, Administrator" )


    9, While some cultures and languages are valuable for the historical meaning, it is meaningless for us to put an emphasis on the protection for them.

  2. #12
    RonBee's Avatar
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    A suggestion:

    • I hate the Chinese government, which is an authoritarian government. All Communists deserve to be punished.


    Better, no?

    (Of course, I wouldn't say that in public where you are, for obvious reasons.)

    :D

  3. #13
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    Re: Several sentences. Pls give me instruction.

    Quote Originally Posted by Casiopea
    Females outnumbered males almost nine to one during that time.

    That's what I was looking for. Thanks RonBee :D

    People over 40 study as often because of interest in the subject as they do for career purposes (about 50/50).

    That, too. Thank you. :D

    You have a way with words that outshines us all :D
    You got the rest of them better than I would have.

    :D

  4. #14
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    Sigh, frankly, the way Sir Ronbee express[es] the graph is very difficult for me to imitate, especially these two sentences. I don't dare to use them in my exam because I fear I will go wrong.
    I understand what you mean by that. It doesn't feel natural to you yet. Be patient with yourself. It will take time.

    (Say: "I don't dare to use them in my exam, because I am afraid I would go wrong." Or: "I don't dare to use them in my exam, because I am afraid I would say it badly." Or: "I dare not use them in my exam, because I am afraid I would say it badly." )

    No wonder some chinese students say we have different thinking ways from foreigners, and maybe we'll never be able to write a essay like one done by native speaker.
    I'm not at all sure that we think differently (though that might be an interesting subject for discussion). I do know that the languages are constructed differently. I am sure there is some point where East can meet West. :wink:

    (Say: different ways of thinking)

    Two Sir, there are some other sentencs I'm not sure. Pls continue to suggest and correct them.
    Say:

    • Here are some more sentences I am not sure of. Please offer suggestions and corrections.


    (You can also say make corrections.)

    You don't have to call me Sir. (I feel like I've been knighted. :wink: - )

    1, One of things that make me wonder is why those humanitarians do not share their sympathy with the victim, but with the criminal.
    That's not bad, but try:

    • One of the things that makes me wonder is why those humanitarians do not share their sympathy with the victim, but with the criminal.


    Or:

    • Something I wonder about is why those humanitarians do not share their sympathy with the the victim but with the criminal.


    Or:

    • I wonder why those humanitarians have so much sympathy for criminals but none for their victims.


    What do you think? :D

    2, The government may as well consider the public’s benefits as take care of convicts’. (may as well .......as ...)
    I am not sure of the meaning there. What is the government supposed to consider? Benefits to the public? The care of convicts? How are they related?
    :?

  5. #15
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    3,The issue of whether industrial skill or education contributes more to a developing country’s progress is, in my opinion, quite hard to say, because either of them can enhance the nation’s overall strength significantly.
    That looks good to me. You might replace issue with question, but it is not necessary.

    4,Similarly the way modernization industry originated from the Industry Revolution, human civilization has been benefited from education.
    You might want to put that in simpler sentences, and then combine it back into one sentence, thus:

    • Modern industry began with the Industrial Revolution. Human civilization has benefited from education.


    I'm not sure you can make one sentence out of that. Do you see the problem?

  6. #16
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    5, Fashion, with the coming of modern time, occurs in today’s society, and meanwhile significantly affects people’s attitudes towards clothes, haircuts or even behaviors.
    I think you need to simplify that, thus:

    • Fashion significantly affects people’s attitudes towards clothes, haircuts or even behavior.


    (Fashion is not a new thing.)

    6. A nation’s success not only concerns with its industrial skills but also attributes to its educational level . (Sir, I can't use "concern" well in writing, like the usage in " human beings" or "things". For example, I'm concerned with that issue, or That issue concerns (with) me?)
    Use due to. Try:

    • A nation's success is due not only to the industrial skills of its people but also to their educational level.


    On the other hand:

    • A nation owes its success not only to the the industrial skills of its people but also to their educational level.


    Which one do you like better? :) (I think you used concern quite well in your example sentences.)

    (You can also say attributable to, but due to is cheaper. :wink: )

  7. #17
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    7, It would be more precious if we can share our love with old memory, old things,even just occasionally.
    More precious than what? Perhaps you could say it would be nice or it would be good or it would be wonderful or it would be a good thing. Still, I am not sure what you are trying to say. :?

    8. Because one has to sometimes overwork or endure the failure in competition, then a woman’s natural situation seem hardly to suit such elements of being a top manager. ( here, Sir, what words can stand for people in"a higher position" Top people, Advanced manager, Administrator" )
    I think top manager is okay. You could also say executive level management.

    Perhaps:

    • Because they would be expected to work long hours, and because their poor little egos would not be able to stand failure, women are not qualified for management positions, especially at the executive level.


    You might not want to use my exact words, but I think that format should work well.
    :wink:

    You could also say:

    • Women are not up to the rigors of competition, so they shouldn't be top managers.


    Hm.

  8. #18
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    9, While some cultures and languages are valuable for the historical meaning, it is meaningless for us to put an emphasis on the protection for them.
    Put that into two simpler sentences, and then see if you can combine them into one.

    Note:

    • When making a numbered list we normally put a period (full stop) after the number, thus:

      [list:732416dd0e][list:732416dd0e]1. The first item on the list.
      2. The second item on the list.
      3. The third item on the list.
    [/list:u:732416dd0e]

    I hope that helps.

    Casiopea can probably help you with what I couldn't. :wink:[/list:u:732416dd0e]

  9. #19
    eric2004 Guest
    Sir, I thought foreign students often call their teachers Sir, right? Xixi, what would you like to be named then?

    1,The government should put an emphasis on the interests of the public, rather than the convicts'.


    2, It would be more precious than forgetting our past if we can share our love with old memory, old things even just occasionally.

    3, Even though ancient culture has historical meaning, old language derives from our forefathers, I still think that wo do not need to protect them. After all, they have been totally obsolete for today's world.


    Sir, are they right this time? And I have to present some more sentences. But they are the last part. Because I feel I should pay more attention to the knowledge I've learn.

    And I may ask you some basic knowledge in these days. Thank you to reply.

    You're so nice. So you can meet innumerable beauties in your reality. Xixi, I wish I will either.

    1, When facing the essential business issues, they have strongly healthy bodies and mentalities to overcome difficulties .However, elder leaders tend to become more vulnerable towards such moments with time goes by.

    2, Retirement is the best approach for those elder top managers, and meanwhile considering the interests of companies, the youth needs to have more opportunities to train themselves for the future challenge.


    3 Here I tend to discuss both sides of this problem.



    4, By means of working in society, they can have a grasp of their favorite knowledge and therefore, on coming back to university, they are certainly able to know how to better deal with innumerable courses in their major.


    5, It may as well not get such job at all for them as get one but uselessly.


    6, This problem is equal to a two-edged sword which can be used good or bad equally


    7, The issue of whether nature or nurture decides the personality of child is, in my opinion, a social rather than a medical problem, for there is a large number of factors involved in this area.


    8, I am always amazed to hear that because no evidence now can prove its accuracy.


    9, If someone argues that what is discussed above lays too much stress on one’s external environment, then here we can see what a huge influence the situation exerts on one’s inner world.

    10, Education teaches our minds and experience changes our insides.


    11, Another negative impact, if smoking is still out of control, is its meaning towards the youth


    12, In the event that the number of those young smokers----this generation who should have splendid life in the future----- increases, certainly the possibilities of danger to society would be larger.


    13, It will be very little beneficial for foreigners communicating with local people, let alone the construction of friendship.

  10. #20
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    Sir, I thought foreign students often call their teachers Sir, right? Xixi, what would you like to be named then?
    It's okay. You can call me "sir" if you like. Actually, I rather like it. :D

    The phrase "foreign students" covers a lot of territory. That would include anybody not living in China, wouldn't it? :wink: Customs vary from country to country and even from school to school. I have had some classroom experience (not professionally), and in one class the kids affectionately called me Mr. Ron. In many schools in this country (where discipline is often not what it should be) the teachers would be happy to be called sir.

    On to the questions. :D
    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    1,The government should put an emphasis on the interests of the public, rather than the convicts'.
    Yes, I think I understand what you are trying to say there. (Actually, you are doing better than trying.) The writer seems to be saying that the government treats convicts better than it does people in general and that it should be the other way around. Do I understand that correctly?

    2, It would be more precious than forgetting our past if we can share our love with old memory, old things even just occasionally.
    I suppose you could say more precious, but it is not a phrase that is used much if at all. Perhaps:

    • We should cherish our past and treasure our memories, because recalling beautiful memories can give us pleasure.


    Is that close? :)

    3, Even though ancient culture has historical meaning, old language derives from our forefathers, I still think that wo do not need to protect them. After all, they have been totally obsolete for today's world.
    • Even though ancient cultures have historical meaning, there is no need to preserve ancient languages that are obsolete.


    I think that's it, huh? :)

    Sir, are they right this time? And I have to present some more sentences. But they are the last part. Because I feel I should pay more attention to the knowledge I've learn[ed].
    Yes, those new ones are better. I could more easily understand what you were saying.

    :D

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