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    #1

    Paragraph Correction

    &removed

    This paragraph contains too many errors, I think.

    How should I make this more readable?
    Last edited by pk2005; 27-Nov-2012 at 17:42.

  1. bhaisahab's Avatar
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      • Retired English Teacher
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    #2

    Re: Paragraph Correction

    Quote Originally Posted by pk2005 View Post
    "The flight of balloon is based on one basic scientific principle that says warmer air rises in cooler air. Although its principle looks much old and simple for huge aircraft, each components of the balloon are surprisingly optimized to contribute to successful flight. The basket carries and protects its passengers and the burner system. The burner system positioned in the basket produces the heated air to the envelope. The envelope holds the heated air and makes it the stable motive force. Therefore, the balloons fly again."

    This paragraph contains too many errors, I think.

    How should I make this more readable?
    Welcome to the forums, pk2005. Is this school/college work?

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    #3

    Re: Paragraph Correction

    Quote Originally Posted by bhaisahab View Post
    Welcome to the forums, pk2005. Is this school/college work?
    Nice to meet you.

    Yup, I'm an ESL student and this is one part of my writing.

    I'm trying to improve my writing skills, but it's hard to do so by myself.

  2. Barb_D's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: Paragraph Correction

    Hi pk,
    I too welcome you to the forums.

    The writing and editing area is a bit of a problem for us. We can't help people with school work (at any education leve), because it's important that your teachers see what you can do on your own. Once you write your assignment and hand it in, if you get responses from your teacher that you don't understand, you can ask us.

    Having said that, I see problems in your use of the indefinite article. Look at your first sentence again.

    And although I can't rewrite this for you, I can tell you that this part doesn't make sense: Although its principle looks much old and simple for huge aircraft,

    You need to think about that.
    I'm not a teacher, but I write for a living. Please don't ask me about 2nd conditionals, but I'm a safe bet for what reads well in (American) English.

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    #5

    Re: Paragraph Correction

    Thank you for your replying.

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