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    #1

    Could you help check out the following paragraph?

    Could you help check out the following paragraph, such as the grammer, wording, etc. (It's a little bit long)

    The wedding was nothing particularly different from the other weddings I was invited to in the past few years, only the number of attendants and the dishes on the tables somehow signaling a different status of the families of the bridegroom and his bride. But this can only emit a very limited information in regard to the wealth of the families involved, since these kind of weddings in the local places are too much a stereotype, and would only cost about tens of thousands Yuan, which even a relatively poor family can afford, since the money received from the invitees may more or less cover this expense, and occasionally even outnumber it. Moreover, it is a matter of face. Even a family stricken for years by the harshness of frugal economy will try all out to hold a decent-looking wedding.


    -----
    Thank you...

  1. TinaRyan's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Could you help check out the following paragraph?

    The wedding was not particularly different from any other weddings I had attended in the past few years.The only real difference was the number of guests, and the dishes* (meals?) served on the tables appeared to indicate the different status of the families of the bridegroom and his bride. But this can only convey a very limited amount of information in regard to the wealth of the families involved. This is because these kind of local (could say 'parochial') weddings are so standardized and would only cost about tens of thousands Yuan, even a relatively poor family can afford them. Also the money received from the guests may more or less cover the expenses - and occasionally even exceed them. Moreover, it is a matter of 'saving face'. Even a family stricken for years by the harshness of frugal economy will try all out to hold a decent looking wedding.

    * When you say "dishes on the table" do you mean the actual physical plates on the meals on the plates?
    Last edited by TinaRyan; 07-Dec-2012 at 21:38.

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    #3

    Re: Could you help check out the following paragraph?

    Hi TinaRyan, I meant the meals on the plates. Thank you!
    Quote Originally Posted by TinaRyan View Post
    The wedding was not particularly different from any other weddings I had attended in the past few years.The only real difference was the number of guests, and the dishes* (meals?) served on the tables appeared to indicate the different status of the families of the bridegroom and his bride. But this can only convey a very limited amount of information in regard to the wealth of the families involved. This is because these kind of local (could say 'parochial') weddings are so standardized and would only cost about tens of thousands Yuan, even a relatively poor family can afford them. Also the money received from the guests may more or less cover the expenses - and occasionally even exceed them. Moreover, it is a matter of 'saving face'. Even a family stricken for years by the harshness of frugal economy will try all out to hold a decent looking wedding.

    * When you say "dishes on the table" do you mean the actual physical plates on the meals on the plates?

  2. TinaRyan's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: Could you help check out the following paragraph?

    Quote Originally Posted by victor su View Post
    Hi TinaRyan, I meant the meals on the plates. Thank you!
    Okay then go with this final version:

    The wedding was not particularly different from any other weddings I had attended in the past few years.The only real difference was the number of guests, and the meals served at the tables appeared to indicate the different status between the families of the bridegroom and the bride. But such details can only convey a very limited amount of information regarding the wealth of the families involved. This is because these kind of local (could say 'parochial') weddings are so standardized, and would only cost about tens of thousands Yuan, so even a relatively poor family can afford them. Also the money received from the guests may more or less cover the expenses - and occasionally even exceed them. Moreover, it is a matter of ''saving face''. Even a family stricken for years by the harshness of frugal economy will try all out to hold a decent looking wedding.

    A general guide for good writing is that if you can say something with less words then use less words e.g. In this regard --> regarding

    Also note that I have changed words from invitees/attendees to guests.
    'Attendees', would be a better word to describe people attending a conference. And 'invitees' is too formal for modern usage.

    "Saving face'' uses inverted commas to indicate it is an idiomatic expression. It is best to do this if your readers are not familiar with idioms because they might interpret them literally.

    An idiom is a commonly used phrase or expression that doesn't follow the usual language patterns or that has a meaning other than the literal.
    Last edited by TinaRyan; 08-Dec-2012 at 17:14. Reason: spelling correction

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    #5

    Re: Could you help check out the following paragraph?

    Hi TinaRyan

    Thank you for your futher post. It's very useful.
    A foreign language is so difficult to me because I can not tell at a glance if the expression is good or bad. As I am writing this, I need to look back to see if there's anything wrong.

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