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  1. #1
    kati83 is offline Newbie
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    Post which has a stronger influence on our character and belifs : school or home life ?

    Hi all ,
    im a new member in this forum. i find this forum very intresting and i think is the best way to improve my english .My english isn't well im doing all my effort to improve it ,also with your help it will be well .thank you all
    this is my essay could you check it and give me my mistakes thanks again

    Since early age everyone would be influenced throughout his childhood by many factors which be able to influnce on his character , personality and beliefs .
    first of all there are many sources in which we can get different information and education , but i think there two stronger influence which be able to let deep trace on our character and belifs : school and home life .

    On the one hand , home life is the first element or factor which helps the person to build his personality and character because of the good relationship between parents and their child , so they will be able to let a great impact on him than any other person .

    On the other hand , we have to make sur that the second home of child is the school in where he gains extra information and different strategies of education .Also school helps us to devolop mutually relations with friends , teachers and others.

    Not only school gives us good and basic education but also helps us to find ourselves with other personalities and characters , so to make comparision between freinds and classmates , we will find out similar and different personalities which have different interests and passions. However every one has his unique pattern of feelings ,thoughts and behaviours .


    to sum up , i think both school and home life have an importance role on our character and beliefs but in my opinion home life is the fondamental factor on our personality and character .I have to make sur that home life or house hold provides us a rich environment , we don't forget that we gain also too much encouragment , support and love from home than other place .

  2. #2
    JarekSteliga is offline Member
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    Default Re: which has a stronger influence on our character and belifs : school or home life

    Your chances of ever being corrected by teachers here will be increased if you correct all the easy/obvious mistakes like "i" notoriously not capitalized, first letters of a sentence often not capitalized.

  3. #3
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    TinaRyan is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: which has a stronger influence on our character and belifs : school or home life

    It seems you need to work on the verb 'to be' and its correct forms:

    e.g. would be influenced ---> is influenced; factors which be able to influence ---> factors which are able to influence.

    Perhaps you could ask a teacher to give you some exercises to help you learn the rules.

    Also, you have to stop using what we call 'sexist' language. When you are talking about both males and females it is now considered 'sexist' to just refer to males and exclude the females.

    e.g. everyone would be influenced throughout his childhood --> everyone would be influenced throughout their childhood

    I have not got time at the moment to discuss more but I will return tonight with further comments.

    Oh, and remember, English is always spelled with a capital E!

  4. #4
    kati83 is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: which has a stronger influence on our character and belifs : school or home life

    Hi Tina , thank you very much for your help

  5. #5
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    Default Re: which has a stronger influence on our character and belifs : school or home life

    I edited your essay tonight - then lost all the text. It's late now so I will redo it tomorrow. I hope you are not in too much of a hurry for the edit.

  6. #6
    TinaRyan's Avatar
    TinaRyan is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: which has a stronger influence on our character and belifs : school or home life

    Which has a stronger influence on our character and beliefs: school or home life?

    I'm going to deal with each paragraph separately.

    Comments paragraph 1:

    Don't put space between words and punctuation marks and watch spelling mistakes.

    Don't introduce new terms into essay question e.g. 'character, personality and beliefs'. You only need to discuss character and beliefs.

    Be absolutely sure of the meaning of words you are using. You have confused the meaning of 'factors and influence'. e.g. Factors have influence NOT Influences have influence.

    In a general essay try not to use expressions like 'I think that/In my opinion...." unless you are specifically asked to speak from personal viewpoint e.g. a blog. If you are unsure of the correctness of your personal opinion you can say things like: "It can be considered that..." "It is believed that...". Or, if it is a widely accepted idea, just make your statement without prefacing it with 'I think'.

    Quote Originally Posted by kati83 View Post

    Since early age everyone would be influenced throughout his childhood by many factors which be able to influnce on his character , personality and beliefs .
    first of all there are many sources in which we can get different information and education , but i think there two stronger influence which be able to let deep trace on our character and belifs : school and home life .



    Since From a young early age, and throughout our childhood, everyone would be we are influenced throughout his childhood by many factors which be are able to influence on his shape our character personality and beliefs. first of all But, although there are many factors to consider , sources in which we can get different information and education , but i think there it is the two strong influence major factors of school and home life deep impact that have the strongest influence on the formation of which be able to let deep trace on our character and beliefs. school and home life.*



    *Okay - now that this paragraph is edited can you see that you are not fully addressing the essay question? It is a good introduction - but it only serves to say that home and school life are strong influences (which is already acknowledged by the essay question). You have to also introduce the idea that one of these (home/school) might have a stronger influence than the other. Just one or two more sentences are necessary. (I cannot write this for you)

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