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  1. #1
    [M]in is offline Newbie
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    Smile IELTS Writing: Doctors

    Nowadays doctors can become very rich. Maybe they should not focus on profitable activities such as plastic surgery or looking after rich patients and concentrate more on patients health, no matter how rich they are?

    Money, money, money. It seems like every problem, every argument, every action boils down to money. Money somewhat blinds us, even blinds ones with one of the most prestige jobs such as doctors. Doctors, nowadays, incline to work in plastic surgery field or look after rich patients. This begs a question as whether they should concentrate more on patients’ health instead of money only.

    To devise the best solutions for this problem, we might have to analyse the root of it. As far as I am concerned, the first and also mentioned one is money. There is no denying that plastic surgery and rich patients are good sources of income. That women were and still are quite obssessed with their physical appearances is a common understanding. Given that the beautiful people, in general, stand higher chance of being taken on, plastic surgery is becoming hotter than ever before. So it is intensely understandable that doctors tend to master this field. Secondly, the problem roots in the lack of passion. Our belief that all doctors devote themselves unconditionally to taking care of patients is no longer right. Most doctors are, but some others may not. Doctors are flesh and blood and they have to make a living for themselves and their families. They, therefore, find rich patients more “appealing”.

    From these causes, I suggested some solutions. Firstly, we should emphasise that the prime priority in becoming a doctor is conscience, and then their ability. Because what kind of doctors is that that choose money over their conscience? They seems to forget about their oaths. So let us make them bear that in mind by adding “a test” on their conscience before deciding whether one is qualified for this prestige job. Also, only by securing doctors and their families’ lives, could they devotedly look after their patients regardless of their classes. However, we should make clear to them that privileges always go hand in hand with responsibilities. When they passionately concentrate on patients’ health only, money will automatically find its way to doctors.

    How about already-rich doctors? It is arguable that doctors’ salary are proportional to their ability. And rich doctors who are highly-skilled only suitable for rich patients. Mindful that the rich are able to pay the fee for the treatment, this is like an uphill battle because of the gap between the poor and the rich. Nevertheless, I believe, doctors who are truly conscientious will do their utmost to care of their patients.

    In conclusion, it is clear that doctors, nowadays, have an inclination to head for profitable activities like plastic surgery or looking after rich patients because doctors, after all, are just ordinary people. This is due to the inseparable gap between classes in each society. Nonetheless, we can only count on the conscience of the doctors to be strong enough to choose patients over money.


    That's my essay. My exam is coming soon and I really need help to improve my writing skills. Thank you so much.

  2. #2
    [M]in is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: IELTS Writing: Doctors

    Can anybody help me? Please? :(

  3. #3
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    emsr2d2 is offline Moderator
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    Default Re: IELTS Writing: Doctors

    Quote Originally Posted by [M]in View Post
    Nowadays, doctors can become very rich. Maybe they should not focus on profitable activities such as plastic surgery or looking after rich patients, and concentrate more on patients' health, no matter how rich they are.

    Money, money, money. It seems like every problem, every argument, every action boils down to money. Money somewhat blinds us, even blinds ones those with one of the most prestigious jobs, such as doctors. Doctors, nowadays, incline tend to work in the field of plastic surgery field or look after rich patients. This begs a the question as of whether they should concentrate more on patients’ health instead of money only.

    To devise the best solutions for this problem, we might have to analyse the root of it. As far as I am concerned, the first and also mentioned one (I don't know what you mean by "also mentioned one") is money. There is no denying that plastic surgery and rich patients are good sources of income. That women were always have been, and still are, quite obssessed with their physical appearances is a common understanding commonly understood. Given that the beautiful people, in general, stand a higher chance of being taken on (do you mean "employed"?), plastic surgery is becoming hotter than ever before. So it is intensely entirely understandable that doctors tend to master become experts in this field. Secondly, the problem has its roots in the lack of passion (a lack of passion in what?). Our belief that all doctors devote themselves unconditionally to taking care of patients is no longer right. Most doctors are do, but some others may not. Doctors are flesh and blood and they have to make a living. for themselves and their families. Consequently, they therefore, find rich patients more “appealing”.

    From these causes, I suggested some solutions (you suggest solutions to problems, not from causes). Firstly, we should emphasise that the prime main priority in becoming a doctor is conscience, and then their ability. Because what kind of doctors doctor is that that chooses money over their conscience? They seems seem to forget about their oaths. So let us make them bear that those oaths in mind by adding “a test” on their conscience before deciding whether one is they are qualified for this prestigious job. Also, only by securing doctors and their families’ lives (I don't know what you mean by "securing doctors and their families' lives), could they devotedly look after their patients regardless of their classes class. However, we should make it clear to them that privileges privilege always goes hand in hand with responsibility. When they passionately concentrate on patients’ health only, money will automatically find its way to doctors.

    How about already-rich doctors who are already rich? It is arguable that doctors’ salaries are proportional to their ability. And rich doctors who are highly-skilled are only suitable for rich patients. Mindful that the rich are able to pay the fees for the treatment, this is like an uphill battle because of the gap between the poor and the rich. Nevertheless, I believe that doctors who are truly conscientious will do their utmost to care of for all their patients.

    In conclusion, it is clear that doctors, nowadays, have an inclination to head for profitable activities like plastic surgery or looking after rich patients because doctors, after all, are just ordinary people. This is Their choices are due to the inseparable gap between the classes in each society. Nonetheless, we can only count on the conscience of the doctors to be strong enough to choose patients over money.


    That's my essay. My exam is coming soon and I really need help to improve my writing skills. Thank you so much.
    I have made some amendments above in red. Don't hesitate to ask if you don't understand any of them.
    Remember - correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing make posts much easier to read.

  4. #4
    [M]in is offline Newbie
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    Default Re: IELTS Writing: Doctors

    prestigious jobs
    I am rather sure that is "prestige jobs" because according to Oxford Dictionary:
    - prestige (adj): that brings respect and admiration; important
    ex: a prestige job
    - prestigious (adj): respected and admired as very important or of very high quality
    ex: a prestigious award or a prestigious university

    (I don't know what you mean by "also mentioned one")
    I have mentioned money in my Introduction, so I said "also mentioned one".

    taken on (do you mean "employed"?)
    Yes, next time I will avoid using phrasal verb in writing essay.

    Secondly, the problem has its roots in the lack of passion (a lack of passion in what?)
    A lack of passion in taking care of other people, in being a considerate doctor.

    (I don't know what you mean by "securing doctors and their families' lives)
    "Securing doctors and their families' lives" financially. Because salaries for doctor in my country are not very high and sometimes not enough for their everyday lives.

    It seems like I have a serious problem with tenses and singular or plural nouns. I will pay more attention to them. I am much obliged to you for helping me.

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