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  1. #1
    joe123 is offline Newbie
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    Cool peer review or advice please :)

    Hi, i just joined and im pretty muddled up. My RHET professor gave me an F for this paper due to improper citations and other minor things, luckily he's given me another chance to resubmit it, but i cant get a peer review cause everyone has their finals. If anyone can help it would really be appreciated :)



    Taking A Position: The AUC Strike


    On October the third in the year 2012, some of the American University in Cairo's students decided that the tuition fees had reached an amount which was either too much for them to pay, or thought that the university had not improved in such a way to deserve such a drastic raise. "Fees are going to be up so high...nobody could be able to pay these fees," said one protestor. "And we're not receiving the quality of education...that covers up for the fees we pay." He went on to say, "we're just doing this because we've tried basically every legal civilized way with Dr. Lisa through meetings, conferences, debates, everything." "American University in Cairo Shut Down Amidst Protests - CNN IReport." CNN IReport. N.p., n.d. Web. 10 Dec. 2012. Clarifying that enough was enough, the student union decided that at such a known and publicly respectable figure, as the AUC is, a normal sit in would not be viewed as seriously as required , therefore granting them the permission to use their imagination.
    Now this is only by generalizing, over 80% of the student union is Egyptian, and over the past couple of years, the main turning point of any Egyptian or a person living in the country's life was the revolution, for it proved to be the only moment our voice, as Egyptians, was heard. Sarah Abdel-Rahman, a recent graduate from the $17,000-a-year (£10,800) American University in Cairo told The Gaurdian: "The revolution has affected all of us," "Now if you have demands, you believe that they should and can be met, and you're not going to give up. It's not like the past anymore, and I think the university administration are yet to realize that." Shenker, Jack. "Egyptian Student Protests Hit Elite Cairo University." The Guardian. Guardian News and Media, 15 Sept. 2011. Web. 14 Dec. 2012.
    So you can guess that if you ignore someone or rid them of an objection when they've just been introduced to the satisfaction granted by freedom, in a subject which he or she can somehow relate to a glorious event they have experienced in their lives, you will cause a damaging reaction, especially if they are the majority, which is the case in this subject. Ahmed Ezzat, a final-year student at AUC, told Ahram Online "At a Saturday meeting, Fouad El-Sayes, AUC vice-president for financial affairs, bluntly told us that, whatever we do, the 7 per cent tuition fee hike was here to stay,". "Egypt's AUC Suspends Classes amid Ongoing Students' Strike - Politics - Egypt - Ahram Online. Web. 10 Dec. 2012.
    When the student union decided to act, they began with a calm and intelligent method, which would later benefit them, in the eyes of the people who observed the strike through the news. This was of course the debate which was held on campus with the subject of the raise in tuition fees, why it was happening and the hope of ridding it. The debate had two main opposing chairs; the student union chair versus Lisa Anderson, dean of the American University in Cairo. The debate was a final attempt to act without any unwanted "force" for the irritation level of the student union, and most of the students in the campus, had reached an unhealthy point.
    The students who entered the auditorium which would host the debates were given a green sign and a red sign which would be risen in an audience response, the green being agree (Student Unions side) and red being disagree (Administrations side). There was almost no glimpse of a red sign being risen, but the final decision was that there will be no change in the tuition fees. This of course was not the appropriate nor wise decision to make when faced with such mass opposition, and a retaliation was of course anticipated . The administrations idea of the retaliation was typically some normal strikes which, if they reach the maximum level of disobedience, would easily be dealt with by security or alumni. But the student unions reaction was much stronger and much more threatening; closing the campus and ridding all visitors, students and alumni alike, of entry. Of course in the eyes of the world this would seem as an extreme and violent act, but in the eyes of most AUC students it was a week off. Of course not all AUC students like this, for they have serious majors which require a huge amount of course work, like mechanical engineering or architecture, but typically the number of these students was much smaller. For example, the online survey signed for the acceptance of the university doors closing was nearing 1000 people in a matter of hours, while the Facebook page made to oppose the doors closing got the attention of 200 people in a day and a mass amount of insults and "trolling".
    With the exaggeration present in nowadays' news channels, these events were not reported in any type of calmness. The live news broadcasts which commented on the incidents which took place in the university featured many financially incapable students and just students who feel unheard; making the strike in the eyes of the nation a just act which they supported. This of course is likely and anticipated, for when a normal Egyptian hears that the tuition fees for the university were increased to 110,000 pounds they could not believe it, no one in the nation was aware that the university was that expensive.
    To most of the population 110,000 would set them up for life, this of course did nothing but increase the pressure on the administration and proving that we are all human beings and that we all act radically at times, the administration sent bulldozers to the gates to grant entry to faculty and students who wanted to enter. Ahmed Ezzat a final year student at AUC told Ahram News: "Their 'alternatives' were bulldozers and thugs. If these are their alternatives, then I donít consider them an administration". Egypt's AUC Suspends Classes amid Ongoing Students' Strike - Politics - Egypt - Ahram Online. N.p., n.d. Web. 10 Dec. 2012. This was seen as a sign of disrespect by the student union, so the students who ensured no one would enter the campus by hanging on the doors or sitting on their parked cars which were placed directly in front of the gates, blocking any entry or exit, moved to the destination to stop what was going on, this was viewed as a sign of aggression. Lisa Anderson told Ahram News: "Most of the participants in today's protests displayed a high level of commitment to the principles of freedom of expression, integrity and responsibility as members of the community. Unfortunately, small groups of students and staff appear to have violated university policy in using physical force in confrontation with security staff at the gates, vandalizing university property, obstructing access to the campus and disrupting classes," Shenker, Jack. "Egyptian Student Protests Hit Elite Cairo University." The Guardian. Guardian News and Media, 15 Sept. 2011. Web. 10 Dec. 2012.
    When the students succeeded at blocking that entrance, it did nothing but increase their morale and stamina, not to mention their intelligence, for they had realized that now was the time to prove themselves as a whole majority, of the students attending the university, and by doing this they had to have numbers, on paper. So the student union created an online survey on iPetitions with the title "The final stand through unity we can". the survey received 3,000 signatures in a matter of days. "AUC Shuts down Campus - Daily News Egypt." Daily News Egypt RSS. N.p., n.d. Web. 10 Dec. 2012.
    After these acts the administration decided to close the campus until further notice. When it proved to be too much they promised a decrease in tuition fees for next semester, but said that the only reason they could not do that now, was that without the money they could not progress as a well working institution. The students paid the money and all was forgotten. But to this day most of the people on campus still hold a grudge against the administration, and that is nothing but unhealthy for the environment which surrounds them, which could damage the university in the long run.

  2. #2
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    TinaRyan is offline Newbie
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    Re: peer review or advice please :)

    [QUOTE=joe123;947896]



    Taking A Position: The AUC Strike


    On October the third in the year 2012On October 3rd, 2012, (Check date - September?) some students from the American University in Cairo (AUC)* 's students decided united to protest that the over tuition fees which had reached an amount which was either too much for them to pay prohibitive levels, or and thought argued that the university had not improved in such a way to deserve enough to even justify such a drastic raise fee increases.CNN iReporter, Zing Tao, succinctly expresses the protestors grievances with the following quotation: (see notes below)

    "Fees are going to be up so high...nobody could be able to pay these fees," said one protestor. "And we're not receiving the quality of education...that covers up for the fees we pay." He went on to say, "we're just doing this because we've tried basically every legal civilized way with Dr. Lisa through meetings, conferences, debates, everything." "American University in Cairo Shut Down Amidst Protests - CNN IReport." CNN IReport. N.p., n.d. Web. 10 Dec. 2012.

    (The above quote is problematic for several reasons: You do not know where this quote originally came from. Did Zing Tao personally interview the quoted protestor? Or did he lift this quote from somewhere else without citing the source which means he plagarized it...and you could be penalized for using plagarized material. CNN iReports are not always reliable or suitable primary sources for information.

    However the quotation is useful so you could introduce it safely the following way:

    CNN iReporter, Zing Tao, succinctly expresses the protestors grievances with the following quotation;

    (NB - indent longer quotations)
    "Fees are going to be up so high...nobody could be able to pay these fees," said one protestor. "And we're not receiving the quality of education...that covers up for the fees we pay." He went on to say, "we're just doing this because we've tried basically every legal civilized way with Dr. Lisa through meetings, conferences, debates, everything."1


    1 Tao, Zing. (2012, September 16). "American University in Cairo Shut Down Amidst Protests" [CNN iReport]. Retrieved 10 Dec, 2012 from http : // ireport . cnn . com/docs/DOC-842270

    * When you use an acronym, s.a. AUC, in the first reference spell-out the whole name followed by bracketed initials to establish association in further abbreviated references.

    I will complete this edit later.
    Last edited by TinaRyan; 17-Dec-2012 at 22:03. Reason: added notes

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